The Odyssey of a Fourth Year Teacher (Say what?!?)

Dare You to Move

2011-06-02T15:28:00.000-07:00

I've moved! Not to a new school, not to a new city, but a different blog. Trying something new, maybe it'll revitalize this blog. Checkcheckcheck it out!

http://mschewrocks.tumblr.com

The Wolves (Act I and II)

2011-06-01T18:15:00.000-07:00

Damn, this year must have been stressful. I haven't taught a real class in a month and my face is still twitching.

All Been Said Before

2011-03-22T15:21:00.001-07:00

What I've been saying all along, but a lot more eloquently..

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2011/03/22/ED181IET01.DTL

I heart Dave Eggers.

Ironic

2011-03-02T11:54:00.001-08:00

Oh irony of ironies.. today we are having our teacher appreciation celebration at school, sponsored by our PTSA and student council. And today our district will begin sending out almost 500 pink slips to teachers, counselors, aids, nurses and admin. Fantastic!

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2011/03/02/BAEV1I1GC3.DTL

Nobody Knows Me At All

2010-08-24T22:25:00.000-07:00

Part of what I love about a new school year is getting to know a new group of kids. While I probably already knew about 70% of my kids this year, it's still great getting to actually be their teacher and know them a little better. I'm totally diggin' the no-freshmen thing.. and have been doubly blessed because almost all my physics kids are seniors. My class sizes are down because we went from three sections of physics last year to four this year. So there's not much for me to complain about. It's been a good start of the year and (at least with the physics) I totally feel like I've been doing this my whole life.

That being said, here are highlights from this year's "All About Me" worksheet..

If you could spend a day with anyone (living or dead), who would you choose and why?
My family because they are the best.
I guess it would be Obama, play against him in a basketball game.
I would spend a day with my grandmother because she is dead and their are certain actions that I committed in the past that I would love to apologize for and tell her I love her and miss her.
I would choose a mayan person so I can find out if the worlds really going to end.
I would want to spend the day wiht someone from history that never made it into the books.
I would go wit Hannah Montana I always wanted to meet and kiss her.
If I could spend a day with anyone it would be my parents. It would have to be my parents because I would like to know how it feels to have the two people you love the most reunite.
I would choose Justin Bieber cause his hair is so tight. I wish I could have his hair!!

What do you like most about school? Why?
What I like most about school is that keeps your mind away from things that hurts you just by thinking about it.
The teachers here at school because they are AWESOME!
What I like most about the school is that the teachers are good people.
The one thing I like the most about school is the teachers, because they push you to be succesful and dont give up on you.
My teachers because I know they're there when I need them
I like the hugs.
I get to spend time with my friends and b e a normal teenager and not a mom.

What do you like least about school? Why?
The gangstas! I just don't like them
I don't like how many students are not taking school seriusly.
Economy not enough supplies

What can I, as your teacher, do to make this class more engaging for you?
Just give me an A every-day, noh just kidding, but really though.
Pick on me in class I tend to sleep.
Be as chill as you can because it would make us feel bad and stressed to see you stressed and such.
Just be the Ms. Chew Rocks that everyone always talks about.

Brand New Colony

2010-08-15T21:21:00.000-07:00

If I were one of my students, I would be a senior right now. That's right ladies and gents, I am officially starting year four of my illustrious teaching career tomorrow. I have no idea what's in store for me and the school this year. Will it be a good year? Will we emerge unscathed and unbruised with our our brains a little weightier from all the learning that went on? Will our herculean attempts to turn this ship around be fruitful or are we just rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic?

New things in store for me this year..

No more freshmen.
No more algebra.
No more earth science.
No more FRESHMEN!!!
Teaching my physics curriculum for the fourth year (I'm an old pro).
Teaching the AVID elective for 11th graders.
Possibly being team leader for the 12th grade small learning community.
Probably being a lead teacher for our afterschool program again.
Quiet time and transcendental meditation rolled out for the whole school over the course of the year.

All in all I'm pretty stoked to finally be teaching classes that I want to teach. I like to think I've paid my dues.. three years of teaching wildcard classes (chemistry, algebra, earth science). But really I'm just lucky and blessed to still have a job and actually be happy with what I've been assigned to for this year. I'm still skeptical about the meditation thing and how it's going to improve our students' lives, but at this point anything is something. I guess I'll update more on the AVID thing later, but if you're curious you can look at www.avid.org for more info on what that's all about.

So yes, day one is tomorrow. Begin the begin. Since it is my fourth year, I know not to get too anxious or excited about what's to come. I've learned to roll with the punches and appreciate the little victories. I am apprehensive about what kind of tragedies are in store for us.. but who knows, maybe this will be a tragedy-free year for the O'C. One can only hope. Without hope, what else is there? Bring it on, year four.

Karma Police

2010-08-03T14:10:00.000-07:00

One of the hardest things I contemplate daily is leaving my house and neighborhood. I lost my cousin to gang violence - because of a stupid color. He was not involved in any gangs, yet he was fatally shot. Living in a neighborhood with gang violence and high drop out rates, I feel the need to complete a college education, become a role model, and inspire young kids in my neighborhood to do the same. By pursuing a career in law, not only can I add a little security to my life, but I can also help minimize the violence and crime in a neighborhood and help make a positive change.

I meant to post this a long time ago. This is the bio blurb of one of my students who won a scholarship. Only 50 of these scholarships are awarded to low-income seniors in public schools in SF. I was able to attend the scholarship award reception at the end of the school year. At a time when uncertainty dominated my frame of mind his words brought be back down to earth and reminded me why I do what I do. Hopefully I'll hear great things about him in the future.

Well Thought Out Twinkles

2010-06-10T13:09:00.000-07:00

Hey look, I'm done with year three. Seriously, this is nutso. I was talking to one of my credential/masters program classmates and we agree. It's this weird place between feeling like a complete n00b and feeling like a seasoned veteran. I suppose with the crap I've seen in the three years at my school, it's a fast learning curve.

Once again I find that I have a lot of thoughts about the end of this year. I'll write about some of them today, maybe pick up on the others in later entries.

One such thought/feeling that I've only begun to unearth from the depths of my subconscious.. is that I'm tired of being shat on. I personally subscribe to the notion of "being the change you want to be in the world" which is a large part (if not the whole part) of why I decided to teach the particular population that I teach. I don't want to be one of those people who complains about the direction this state/country/society/world is heading in without actually doing anything about it. So I became a teacher. I like to think I'm doing my part, maybe making some small difference for my little sphere of 150 students a year. I'm doing what I can. I'm not saying this to guilt trip anyone into becoming a teacher or volunteering at the local food bank, because what I want to say next is that it's frikkin' hard to believe that you can actually help bring about change in this world.

The end of this school year had a strange flavor to it. I couldn't put my finger on it for the longest time. This year, unlike last year, I was around for all the end-of-the-year planning, meetings, parties, and celebrations. But instead of the celebratory "hey we did/made it!" feeling permeating everything, there was this feeling of.. what the crap are we getting ourselves into?!?!

I think it has to do with our school being attacked from all sides and the uncertainty that it all leaves behind. I already mentioned the bottom 5% designation and how the state is forcing us to restructure. We're going with the transformative model.. which means things like changing things up drastically and extending the learning day. I wrote previously about how our school loses an English teacher and a math teacher each year because of our declining enrollment and diminishing budget, this year is no different. We're also losing a physical education teacher, which is pretty nutso in itself when you take into consideration that the PE dept is only three deep to begin with. We've had these SF Chron journalists on our case all year, hell bent for some reason on smearing our school image (for what? We already have enough trouble getting families outside the neighborhood to be ok with sending their kids to school here).

I should mention that we might be losing our Wellness Center coordinator because of some HR ass-hat-ness. Nevermind the fact that she's been in her position for 8 years, she's facing losing her job to someone with much less experience than her because a credential for her position did not exist in the early years at her job. It's nonsense. Don't get me started. I just know that our kids need her. A n00b would take years to build up the trust they have in her and be able to effectively serve their needs.

So that's how the state and district have been kicking our asses. But here's a new one.. how we're internally kicking our own asses. Each year there's a deadline for voluntary consolidations/resignations, which is really just a courtesy to the other staff members. Think: If you tell us you're already planning to leave, then we don't have to lay off/consolidate someone because we can plan on not having your position anymore. I get that it's a courtesy and people don't always know exactly what their plans are, but for the past three years at least one of the consolidated teachers could have been saved if people who were already planning to leave had the balls to say it. I'd like to think that if it were me, and I was thinking of leaving, I'd let them know as soon as I could (or maybe even before my plans were set) just so they wouldn't have to go through the unfortunate situation of being let go and having to find somewhere else. A little decency, I don't think it's too much to ask.

And that's how we're ending the year. At last count, there are eight staff members not returning next year (nine if our Wellness Coordinator's layoff holds). We have less and less money, less people.. yep. Still trying to "be the change" but it's getting harder to believe.

You Could Be Happy

2010-04-19T21:38:00.000-07:00

Because it's too easy to blog about the chaos and crazy at school these days..

Story #1:
I was at the BofA ATM on 23rd and Mission just finishing up some transactions when I hear, "Ms. Chew?" I turned around and there was one of my old students, a senior from my first year teaching. (One of the bus-driver boys.) In the almost two years since he graduated and I last saw him, he graduated from UTI in Sacramento (definitely one of the most unfortunate acronyms a school can have) and is now working as a mechanic at the SF Honda dealership. Ok this is not the most exciting story, but it made me smile after a mess of the last few weeks I've been having. And it's the perfect precursor for..

Story #2:
After singing for service at church on Sunday, I was chatting with some friends and I hear, "Ms. Chew!" I turned around and there was one of my old students. (I have to admit that it took me about half of our conversation to remember his name.. and I feel kind of ashamed that in my head I went to Juan and Jose first. But c'mon, statistically it was a valid guess! He doesn't know I didn't remember his name, I figured it out before he caught me.) He'd been invited to church by a friend and was just as surprised as I was to see me/him there. (Don't know how to make that sentence work. Dang.)

A little background on this particular student--he first took my class as a junior. He failed and repeated it as a senior. He still failed the second time, not because he's not intelligent or a hard worker, but because he had so much going against him outside of school. I don't know everything about his situation, but I'm pretty sure he was basically raising his younger siblings and his parents were for all intents and purposes out of the picture. He was in an unhealthy relationship with another student (who also failed my class), was prone to skipping school (mostly what contributed to his failing), and try as he might, had some really bad days. But for all the hardship he had to deal with in his personal life, he was still a sweet, polite kid. He always appreciated what his teachers were doing for him and treated us all with great respect.

During his last year at the school, some of our staff got him to apply to an all boys boarding school up in Sonoma. He was so excited about this school. He would read me excerpts from the brochures they sent him. It was like nothing he'd ever experienced.. nestled in idyllic Sonoma County, far far away from the broken life he'd known growing up in the Mission. He applied, got accepted, and earned scholarship help to pay his way. That was the last I heard from him.

Fast forward to Sunday after service. He told me he's finishing up his super-senior year at his school in Sonoma. He's doing great. Finally graduating (better late than never!), getting a 4.0 gpa, and even getting involved in Young Life up there. Trying to get his little brother, who still lives in SF, to get plugged in to Young Life here. He wants to become a teacher, to spread God's love to teenagers and maybe teach them some academic stuff along the way (sound familiar? IKR?!?).

It was just so.. incredible? Awesome? Inspiring? Fantastic? Stupendous? (Having trouble with my words today) to see and hear about how well he's doing now. A part of me could be disappointed because what this new school is doing for him I couldn't do, but that's not at all how I feel. I'm ecstatic that he's been able to turn his life around and is in a much better place now. It's not very often that we, teachers of at-risk youth, get to hear stories with happy endings like this one. I'm gonna put this one in my pocket and save it for a rainy day

A Punch Up at A Wedding

2010-03-24T08:38:00.001-07:00

Student: "Ms. Chew, when are you gonna get married?"
Ms. Chew: "Well I kind of think you need two people for that sort of thing."
Student: "Can I be your best man?"
Ms. Chew: "Kind of missing a key part of the equation."
Student: "So you're still looking? Or waiting?"
Ms. Chew: "You could say that."

If There's a Rocket Tie Me to It

2010-03-09T09:29:00.000-08:00

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2010/03/09/MNSC1CCPHU.DTL
http://www.cde.ca.gov/nr/ne/yr10/yr10rel27.asp

Shit? Fan? Oh, I see you've met.

The four east-side SFUSD high schools (mine included) have all been deemed "persistently lowest achieving" schools by the state, putting them in danger of reconstitution (aka hostile takeover by the state). Let's not sugar coat this.. the east side schools are also the poorest and most under-enrolled schools in the district. Where for art thou, equity??

Begin rant now.

We are the poorest schools. We have little money to fund our sisyphean efforts to improve our schools. Our staff works hard to pull our schools out of the gutters, most of the time paying for our supplies and professional development classes out of our own pockets because we have no money from the state to help. Yet, every year more staff get laid-off or moved around because we have under-enrolled student bodies. For each year I've been at my school, we've lost one English teacher and one math teacher due to consolidations. Now I know money doesn't solve everything, but that's also something that rolls of the tongues of rich people. No, money isn't the solution. But money could sure help. And we're seeing less and less of it every year. For instance.. the last two years at my school the science classes were allocated $500 for supplies. Yes, $500 to buy everything from perishable bacteria samples to pencils and paper. It's not a lot. And this year we got $350.

Oh did I mention that other than being the poorest, most under-enrolled schools in the district, the east-side schools are also those that serve the low-income, largely immigrant/non-native speaking English crowds? Historically disadvantaged, underrepresented.. call it what you will, but I smell a rat. People wonder what it is I have against schools like Lowell. There's nothing wrong with high achieving students in a well-funded, easily over-staffed school. But it's a vicious cycle.. schools in SFUSD get their funding based on the number of students enrolled in the school. With high enrollment, there is more money available to hire staff, buy supplies, support new programs, and operate at a competitive level. With low enrollment, there is less money available which leads to larger class sizes, higher (involuntary) teacher turnover, lower test scores.. Families don't want to send their kids to low-performing schools, so they send them to the high-performing schools (like Lowell) and they continue to flourish while the underenrolled schools shrink to extinction.. chicken, egg, who knows which was first.

All I'm trying to say is it's not our fault that we are consistently low performing schools. Anyone who sets foot into one of these schools will see innovative teaching styles and energetic, dedicated staff trying to make do with the little resources available. We would appreciate help from the state, sure. But "help" does not look like.. replacing the principal, replacing the staff, shutting down and reopening schools under a charter model, etc. "Help", I think, should look like.. come, visit our school. See what we're doing well. Reward what is working. Suggest alternatives to what is not working. Work with us. We obviously don't intend on staying at the bottom of the class (pun intended?) but coming in and cleaning house is not the way to fix things. Not when children are involved. Can you imagine being at a school that hires almost an entirely new staff? What would happen to the relationships you have built with your teachers, some of which might be the only adults in your life that you consider safe to talk to?

And don't get me wrong, our school is improving. Maybe not fast enough by the state's standards. And maybe not on (culturally biased) standardized test scores. But we're doing what we can. So throw us a frikkin' bone, already.

End rant.

A Mess to Be Made

2010-02-27T15:00:00.000-08:00

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2010/02/23/MNT11C5FO7.DTL

It's getting ugly. So far it's looking like we need to cut the equivalent of 3 FTEs (full time employees). We won't know if we're holding on to our Dream School funding at least for another few weeks, which means we don't know if we're looking at moving to a 6 period day or not. March 15th is the deadline for the district to send out layoff notices.

In the meantime, please join us to show support of public schools this Thursday.. deets:

Join us on March 4 to save our schools!
Statewide Day of Action to Defend Public Education

San Francisco schools are facing $113 million in budget cuts over the next two years. All schools will see layoffs and class size increases. It's time to say enough is enough!

Thursday, March 4, 2010:
3pm - Parents, educators and students from southeast area schools meet at 24th and Mission
3:15 - March together to 16th and Mission
3:45 - March from 16th St. to the State Building at Van Ness and McAllister (505 Van Ness)
4:30pm - Rally with UESF at the State Building, march to Civic Center
5pm - Mass rally in the Civic Center with pre-K through college level students, parents, educators, families from all over the city

Our message to Sacramento: Fully fund public education - reform the state budget process and Prop 13! Cut prison spending, not schools!

Our message to SFUSD Superintendent Carlos Garcia and the Board of Education: Stand with educators and families! No Cuts! No Layoffs! Emergency Funding Now! Defend the Classroom!

Baby Got Back

2010-02-26T12:19:00.001-08:00

My coworker brought his newborn to school, dropped by my room while kids were making up work during lunch.

Kid #1: "Ms. Chew.. when you gonna have one?"
Ms. Chew: "Whatever!!"
Kid #1: "Why you say whatever?"
Ms. Chew: "I know it's not how everyone does it, but I'm planning to get married before I have a baby."
Kid #2: "Go Ms. Chew!!"
Ms. Chew: O_o "I just figure it's easier that way."

Ballin' on a Budget

2010-02-02T10:20:00.000-08:00

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2010/01/22/MNCG1BLM6G.DTL

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2010/01/27/MN2E1BNVD8.DTL

It is bad-news-bears for the state of California as far as money is concerned. Well, that's not news.. it's been that way for a while. Somehow one of the richest states has one of the largest debts. Blame it on the Governator--but chances are it was this way long before he ever got here. (He just hasn't done the best job getting us out of it.) While I won't proclaim to know a lot about government spending or tax reformation or progressive taxes or anything.. what I do know is what it all does to the bottom line of our schools.

In short, we're looking at making $113 million in cuts over the next two years. Where will these cuts be made? To anything and everything. It's going to get real ugly. The obvious place for cuts is teacher layoffs. Then there are things like.. cutting positions at the district office, unpaid furlough days, cutting funding to special programs, cutting summer school, freezing teacher salaries, and taking the caps off class sizes.

You might think, well all that stuff's not so bad as long as you get to keep your job, Ms. Chew. Not really. All these things effect the classroom and effect the students. Take class size caps. It won't make much of a difference for my classes, I've had as many as 41 students in one class before. But where it will make a difference is in elementary school. Where they learn how to read and do basic math. Think about it.. if a student doesn't properly learn how to read or add and subtract in elementary school, who's going to make up for that? Especially if they grow up to go to middle schools and high schools that are overcrowded as well.. we're preparing our kids for a lifetime of remedial education.

Let me not belittle how horrible teacher layoffs really are. Or, more precisely, how horrible the process for teacher layoffs in the face of budget cuts are. It's one thing to get the axe because you're a horrible teacher. It's another to get fired because you simply don't have the seniority to save your ass in times of budget crises. Teachers who are on the brink of retirement and could care less about their students' education cost the district the most but will always, always keep their jobs over less experienced, but more bright-eyed and bushy-tailed newbie teachers. (This is not to say all teachers who've been in the schools for long don't care about their students. Or that all new teachers are a gift from God. I'm generalizing.) That's just disheartening. To know that how good a teacher you are has no bearing on whether or not you keep your job.

My coworkers keep telling me that I should be ok for this round, I'm a math/science teacher and they always need those somewhere. Needless to say, none of this is sitting well with me. I get a sick feeling in my stomach when I think about the next year. Bleghhh.

Murder, She Wrote

2010-01-08T19:19:00.000-08:00

http://www.sfexaminer.com/local/Two-juveniles-charged-in-deadly-pizza-melee-80748947.html

Yep. This story is about one of our sophomores. Arrested at school for double homicide. Seriously? Kind of threw me and my coworkers for a loop.. I mean, we know our kids are bad, but killing people bad? I didn't know the kid personally, can't even put a face to the name, but apparently the cops had been investigating his connection with the murders for some six weeks before they made their arrest. And in that time he had been showing up to school regularly. Crazy.

Papa Don't Preach

2010-01-05T17:48:00.001-08:00

Yesterday one of my students says to me, "Ms. Chew, you're about to be a grandma." Which was her way of telling me she's pregnant. She's due in July, after graduation. I mean.. what am I supposed to say to that?

I have another girl who I'm so sure is pregnant, but I have no idea how to go about asking. Do I ask her friend? Should I just ask her? And if I find out she is.. what am I supposed to say to that?

There's a boy and a girl in one of my classes who had a kid together their freshmen year. His mother took the baby in and is the main caregiver nowadays. They're on and off again as a couple, which means sometimes they're not talking to each other. And sometimes they sit together in class and cupcake. So really.. what am I supposed to say to that? "Listen, I know you two have a kid together so obviously you have a hard time keeping your hands off each other.. but you're both failing this class so can you please get it together??"

Seriously.

Q.o.t.D.

2009-12-15T13:02:00.000-08:00

"Mary had a little lamb..."
"I don't care what she had!"

Adding to the Noise

2009-11-17T20:41:00.000-08:00

What kills me about Leonard's death (in addition of course to the fact that he's dead) is how people have been reacting to it. If you look at one of the links I posted yesterday to the SFGate article about the incident, you'll find comments like:

Good, little bastards got what they deserved!
BUTTHEADS!

Take the picture of the kid shot dead and put it on book covers and 7-11 cups. Drink up, homies! This could be you!

Too bad they didn't shoot them all.

One less festering pusbag to waste taxpayers money on. Too bad the police didn't have free reign to just shoot on site all 4 of the cretins. Underage? Who cares. Nailing the insects while they're in the maggot stage is best; you won't need the fly swatter later.

Man if I hear one more sniveling relative or teacher of one of this low life MF'ers pleading to the community for compassion I'm gonna be sick! F#*&^% menaces to society! Hang em!

It hurts to read these. Would these people change their minds if they knew Leonard? Or are they the kinds of people who walk across the street so they don't have to share a sidewalk with him?

Thanks world, I had almost forgotten how broken you really are.

Saturday, Bloody Saturday

2009-11-16T18:05:00.000-08:00

Leonard: "How old are you, Ms. Chew? You've gotta be the youngest teacher here."
Ms. Chew: "I'm 24."
Leonard: "You look like you're 18."

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/11/16/BAMR1AL6D9.DTL
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/11/16/BASG1AKSI1.DTL

Bad news always comes when everything feels right. At least my Algebra class was more tame today, almost like they knew I needed a break.

I heard about Leonard first thing in the morning in the main office, listening to my principal talking to our security guard and another teacher about what happened. Leonard was one of our special education students who is in special day classes, meaning he rarely took classes with the general population. He left our school sometime near the end of last year. For this reason I couldn't place a face with the name so I kept moving.

Later on during an off period I saw some of my students in the hallway looking visibly upset. I tried to hunt down his picture in a yearbook to no avail.

We had an emergency staff meeting at lunch to talk about how we could support our students and how to handle this news.

Finally I walked by the makeshift memorial in the atrium. A large banner was draped across the lockers where students wrote their thoughts and memories for Leonard. On a small table was a picture of Leonard and some friends.

I remember him.

Newton's Laws

2009-11-11T15:02:00.000-08:00

http://stahburst.googlepages.com/NewtonsLaws.mp3

Newton's Laws have got it goin' on
Newton's Laws have got it goin' on
Newton's Laws have got it goin' on
Newton's Laws have got it goin' on

First Law!
Newton, can I come over after school? (after school)
We can hang around and play us some pool (play some pool)
When the balls start rollin' they'll keep rollin' on (rollin' on)
Until another outside force comes along (comes along)
You know, if objects aren't moving, that's how they'll stay
It's all about inertia, Newton you're okay!

Newton's Laws have got it goin' on
When things are in motion they go on for so long
Newton, can't you see your laws were made for me
Forces cause 'celeration, I'm in love with Newton's Laws

Newton's Laws have got it goin' on
Newton's Laws have got it goin' on

Second Law!
Newton, do you remember when I mowed your lawn? (mowed your lawn)
Your mower was so massive I could hardly turn it on (turn it on)
I had to push it with a really large force (a large force)
And even once it was moving, was like pushing a horse (pushing a horse)
And I know that if it were just a little lighter
I could get it going really fast, just like an angry spider!

Third Law!
Newton, do you remember when we got in that fight? (in that fight)
When that gangsta punched you with all of his might? (all his might)
I was really mad and wanted you to fight back (fight him back)
But then you told me that it wasn't worth the attack (worth attack)
You said if his fist punched you first, you might get angry
But your face already punched him back, Newton now I see!

Newton's Laws, oh-oh oh-oh
Newton's Laws, oh-oh oh-oh
Newton can't you see your laws were made for me
Forces cause 'celeration, I'm in love with Newton's Laws

Tiny Little Fractures

2009-11-02T18:09:00.000-08:00

I've been silent. Because it's mostly been going well this year. As a third year teacher, I feel like a veteran. I was at a math department meeting and the new math teacher turned to me and asked me if I was new. I said, "No." I probably was a little snarky when I said that.. but c'mon, am I new?? Just because I look 15 and you've never seen me before, doesn't mean I'm the one who doesn't belong. Ok that had nothing to do with anything, but I thought it was funny/offensive.

Yes, third year PHYSICS is going well. Even with trying out Interactive Notebooks for the first time (LOVE THEM), teaching physics is like second nature. It fits. I'm happiest when I'm teaching that class and those kids. Today I was teaching Newton's Third Law and throwing around all these examples and demos, got up on my mini-trampoline and just bounced. The kids laughed and I was having fun.

Why can't teaching freshmen be like that? Earth science is getting easier, and I'm so so so very grateful to my coworker who plans with me (more like lets me in on her plans for the class and takes care of all the copies/prep). The class is suffering, though, from first period syndrome--starting the class off with 10 people on time. Kind of reminds me of my first year teaching chemistry first period.. although this class is supposed to be about 40.

What's really killing me is algebra. Yes, this time it's my second year teaching algebra. I can no longer say that I'm a first year algebra teacher. I can't use it as my excuse anymore. So why do I suck at it so much? It's just one class of maybe 17 freshmen.. but at least once a week it makes me question if I'd come back next year if I had to teach it again. Which, if you know anything about me and how much I love love LOVE my school, is a pretty big deal.

Today I couldn't even start the class. I literally sat there, using every ounce of self-control in my body to keep myself from exploding, throwing something, or telling them all to just STFU. I kicked a kid out and another kid followed him out.. and I didn't even care. I was glad they were gone. I wanted to kick more out. I wanted to kick them all out, except maybe five of them. And this is what is killing me.. because I'm not that teacher. They bring the worst out of me and I can't even blame them because it's not really their fault that they act like children. That's what they are. They're basically still in middle school and it's supposed to be my job to teach them how to do high school, how to become my juniors and seniors that I can treat as adults.

But I don't know how to do that. And it's killing me.

One of These Things First

2009-08-31T17:10:00.000-07:00

I survived the first week! It was really tiring, but it looks like this is going to be a good year. It's taking me a bit to learn all my freshies' names (don't blame me, there are 44 in my Earth Science class!) but the juniors and seniors do not disappoint. The dust hasn't quite settled on student schedules, so hopefully my class sizes will go down in the next few days. It's been so great seeing familiar faces and getting to hang out with the kids again. So here's some fodder to get you started on this year.. answers from different students on an "All About Me" questionnaire:

Describe something in nature that you would like to know more about.
I would like to no [sic] more about homeless people that are in the street why they are there

One time I was walking on the beach and I saw a dog jump of a cliff. I wana know what the hell was it thinking.

If you could spend a day with anyone, who would you choose and why?
I would choose my mom because I never spent a whole day with my mom and it would make me happy to see her have a good time outdoors.

What can I, as your teacher, do to make this class more engaging for you?
be you Ms. Chew the crazy hyper you.

Do you have any questions for me, your teacher?
Not really uhm you're cool so far. This is more of a comment.

What do you like least about school?
The birds.

(Just Like) Starting Over

2009-08-14T19:59:00.000-07:00

Hello hello and welcome to my blog, now in its third year running. That's right, ladies and gents.. we are about to embark on year THREE of this epic quest that is my teaching career. Lest you think that since I will be a fully tenured teacher the battles will cease and it's all smooth sailing from here, here's a look at the changes in store for our brave heroine..

"New" principal. Our principal took a job at the district office and our assistant principal is moving up to the principalship. (Is that a word?)
His assistant principal vacancy will be filled by a man by the name of Mr. Chew. (I kid you not! I haven't met him yet.)
Our other assistant principal will be on maternity leave for the beginning month or so. She is temporarily relieved by a man my coworkers call the Sith?
Two of my favorite senior teachers are not returning. Two other teachers are also not returning, but I wasn't as close to them.
One of the new hires is from Teach for America. I promise to do my best to play nice.
Trying out interactive notebooks with the physics kids.
I may be teaching three preps.

Did you see that? Did you see how I snuck that in there? Teaching three preps. I think it shows some growth on my part that I'm not completely freaking out about it. I'm no stranger to having random new preps thrown at me last minute (first year was Chemistry, second year Algebra), and sadly I was kind of expecting it.

But can I pause a minute and whine/vent just a little? I promise it won't take too long. I know I don't have much to complain about since I still have my job and I still get to be at the school I love.. but can I for ONCE just do the job I was trained and hired for? I teach physics. I teach PHYSICS. I got the math credential so I wouldn't have to teach chem again but it's not what I was trained to do. Teaching math is not what I'm good at, by any stretch of the imagination. And now I might have physics, geometry AND earth science. Earth science WTC?!? What do I know about the rock cycle? Climate? Ecosystems?? Oh yea.. geometry? Side-angle-side theorem and pi=3.1415..? At least my principal gave me a heads up about the geometry and asked how I felt about it. There's a good chance that it'll be switched back to algebra. And the main earth science teacher is a rockstar so I have someone really solid to piggy-back off of.

Part of what this means, and what I'm trying to avoid thinking about.. is that I'll be teaching two sections of freshmen. Ahh freshmen, the bane of my existence last year. Who knows, maybe we'll get a batch that aren't gang bangers selling screwdrivers during standardized testing. But beyond not feeling adequate teaching subjects that I'm not familiar with.. I REALLY don't feel adequate teaching that age group. I'm not entirely warm and nuturing. I don't like holding the kids' hands. Don't mistake my heart for my kids for coddling. I try to treat my juniors and seniors like little adults. They make their choices and they live with the consequences. Freshmen still need to be taught about what that's like. I don't know that I'm the one that can teach them that.

Anyways. I just needed to get that out of my system. But like I said.. I was expecting this. So. One more week of summer (minus three days of PD and meetings) and then it's go time. I'm almost ready.

In Memory Of...

2009-06-10T10:45:00.000-07:00

To: Ms. Chew
From: Fredy

Seems like yesterday that you were
filling the house with stories and jokes
of how things were back in the good ol' days,
of how tradition is important and so is culture.

Seems like yesterday that my music and
clothes made you laugh.

Yet today... the house looks empty and the
clouds roll in, the stories are muted
and the jokes are humorless.
The house cries, because you are gone.

But you are still here in my sorrow
and my tears.
in my smile and laughter
in the walls of my heart that
will always keep you in and
will never let you go.
--F.S.

The poem one of my seniors wrote for me after I told him about my grandma passing away. It's moments like these that show me the love goes both ways.

The Finish Line

2009-06-09T17:00:00.000-07:00

So between my last post and now, a lot has happened. A lot has happened. In short, we had a successful project week, reviewed for finals, had finals, and I finished grading and packed up my room for the summer. I also finished our teacher induction program BTSA (unaffectionately dubbed SHITSA by all who go through it) and upon day one of next year, I will be a fully tenured teacher of the San Francisco Unified School District.

In long, there's so much more to explain about the malestorm that was the end of my second year teaching.

It started off with awesomeness. School of Rock was so much fun.. highlights include spending 3 days playing guitar with kids, hanging out in the Haight, and spending time on and backstage at the Fillmore. Our project was wildly successful, the kids had a great time and I would definitely do it again next year. With the one big change of pushing harder to get local bands to come and visit.. including hounding Green Day even more.

As we started wrapping up the year, I began to realize how much I was really going to miss this year's graduating class. They were my babies.. the juniors that were with me my first year of teaching were going to graduate and move on. Granted, the ones who repeated physics with me their senior year were not the best students, but more often than not they were the most fun because we had those two years of building relationships between us. I imagine had I taught freshmen all along, this is how I would feel when my first freshmen class graduated.

Prom was so great. I love that our kids treat their prom much differently than other kids might. While some kids might see prom as a night to goof off and cause trouble, our kids see prom as a really special night (partly because they can't afford to get dolled up and go out all that often) so they are really there to have some good clean fun. Most of my favorite seniors were there and I got to spend some more cherished time with them. The night came and went with barely a hitch.

By the time prom rolled around my classes were in full exam-prep mode. This time of year is a busy time for both students and teachers alike. They have final projects to finish and exams to prepare for. We have exams to write, give, and score, as well as grades to finalize and turn in and classrooms to clean up and tear down. It's not the ideal time (although there probably isn't one) for a personal crisis to come in and make your walls come crashing down.

I was still at school when I got the phone call from my sister saying that my grandma was probably not going to make it through the night. Thursdays are busy days and I had just stopped by my classroom in between after-school tutoring and heading off to an end-of-the-year awards ceremony for our kids. I checked my phone and I had 5 missed calls from her and a text that said "Gma's really sick, going to the nursing home now." I called her back right away and she gave me the news.. she probably wasn't going to make it.

Now I know up until this point this blog has been centered around my life as a teacher. I ruminate about my personal life elsewhere, sometimes on Xanga, most times in my journal. But this time there was no clearly drawn line.. my personal life invaded my school life.

By the time I hung up the phone with my family, my grandma was gone. And there I was, walls crashing down around me, still in my classroom. It was all I could do to call a coworker in to sit with me for a while before I gathered enough composure to walk home. That night and the next day, my family and I came to the decision that I would finish out the school year as much as I could and come home for the funeral the following weekend.

Which meant six days of business as usual to the untrained eye. In retrospect, I think it was good for me to keep going in to work to keep me busy and keep me out of my own head. But at the time it took all my strength to get out of bed each morning, especially the first Friday. Two of my students noticed a difference in my temperament and when I explained they were ever-so-sweet in comforting me. The president of our FreeSpeak poetry club even wrote me a poem in tribute to my grandma.

It took me until the Senior Breakfast on Wednesday to bring myself to tell my seniors that I wouldn't be going to graduation this year. And while of course this wasn't the biggest tragedy in my life, I was still pretty torn apart that I would miss it. It made the last moments I spent with my seniors all the more precious. Graduation last year happened to fall on my birthday, and was by far the best birthday present I had ever gotten. Graduation was the one day that made all the other days worth it and I wouldn't miss it for the world. Just trying to give you an idea of how big missing graduation was for me.

So in the end I came home before the official last day of school. I worked with the teachers of my seventh period Algebra class so that I could have them take their finals early and I missed graduation. I pushed so hard to just finish out the year that even now as I write, sitting on the couch of my sister's house in Maryland, I still don't feel like it's over.

Maybe I'll come back and polish up this entry a bit more later, but what I really wanted to say was this.. it's over. My second year of teaching is over. For the most part, it was smoother than the first, but it definitely didn't end the same way last year did. I'm no longer a probationary contract teacher. When I pick this blog up again next August.. I'll be a third year teacher. I'm still in the process of digesting this.

Rock the Casbah

2009-05-19T18:09:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I haven't mentioned this yet.. this year my school is doing something new that I'm actually really excited about. We're suspending regular classes for three days and trying something called School Without Walls (aka SWOW) or Project "Week". I'm really excited about it because my coworker and I came up with a project that ROCKS. Literally. Here's our sexy blurb...

School of Rock:
Do you have what it takes to really rock?

Playing expert level on Guitar Hero or Rock Band does not make you a rockstar. Come learn about the roots of rock, the movers and shakers in rock history, and where rock music is headed today, especially in the SF Bay Area. Highlights of this project include guitar lessons, a visit to a real rock studio, chatting with a local rock band, and touring a venue in the City. The last day we will finish up with a listening party where you can play a track from your favorite rock artist or perform a live piece in front of an exclusive audience. Rock, rock on!!

So despite the fact that our studio and our local band fell through, I'm still super-stoked. We still get to jam on the guitars, listen to some choice tunes, watch some rockumentaries, chill in the Haight, hang out backstage at the Fillmore..yes, you heard (read?) me.. we're hangin' out at the Fillmore. Which was my dream all along. Well that and getting Green Day to come by. But they're busy with their new album and tour y'know. So it should be fun.. got a group of 17 kids who are all interested in the project (imagine that, teaching to kids who choose to be there?!?!) and we're kickin' it off tomorrow morning!

Some other notable projects that my coworkers are running include.. using pinhole cameras to photograph the city, camping out at a pie ranch, a three day college tour, hiking and camping on Angel Island, getting noticed by college soccer coaches and recruiters.. the list is (not quite) endless. Pretty cool stuff, I think.

We'll see how it all goes! Until then.. rock, rock on!

Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of

2009-05-08T22:43:00.000-07:00

The shit kind of hit the fan and I'm not where to start, but Vizzini says to go back to the beginning, so here goes.. (it's going to be a long one)

I have this one student, let's call him Ralph, who has spent his whole freshman year on the verge. On the verge of anything.. going gangsta, heading towards college, becoming a pothead, becoming a real person.. and for some reason I gravitate towards him. I've been pulling for him all year. Getting him to run for student counsel, planting thoughts of joining AVID and going to college, getting him excited to be in my physics class in a few years.. I really thought I was getting through to him. Maybe I was naive, but I thought we had a connection. I really thought I could save this one.

But lately he'd been slipping. It was no secret that he'd been experimenting with smoking the ganja and getting to know some questionable characters inside and outside of school. He started cutting class pretty often. And I saw a completely different side of him during his contract meeting.. with his teachers and family around him to support him as we explore if he maybe has dysgraphia (a writing disorder), he completely closed up and closed off and wouldn't even talk to us by the time we left it.

Well last week began the wonderful week of STAR testing. (California's state standardized testing) Notice the sarcasm dripping off each word. This translates into.. 4 hours with my freshmen advisory class each morning, grueling over a multiple choice test that's almost designed for them to fail but doesn't hold them accountable for their performance. It throws off our class schedules and most of the kids are so fried after the testing that they don't even come to class for about a week.. it's a recipe for disaster and mischief.

Last Thursday the scene of the mischievery just happened to be my classroom. Right in front of my nose, Ralph brought vodka into school and shared it with two of his classmates in their orange juice. We'll call one of those kids Emo-kid. He comes back into the story a little later on, unfortunately. Screwdrivers and STAR testing, sounds about right, no? I'm still kicking myself for not catching on because I would have saved us all a world of drama if I had. At least for now.

I don't know who did finally catch on, but by the end of the day the students had been pulled out of their classes and fingers pointed back at Ralph. He was suspended for a few days. (And I'll say right here.. that something is seriously wrong when I didn't find out about any of this until a full day after the vodka sharing. It was in my classroom, for God's sake, shouldn't I be informed??)

But the kicker is that when he finally came back to school, I overheard a pretty disturbing conversation between him and a friend as we were leaving an all school assembly.. I only caught snippets, but what I did hear was plenty.

"He's right there.. what are you gonna do? You gotta do something."
"I don't know man, what should I do? He snitched on me before.. he's gonna snitch on me again."

It was one of those conversations that you kind of wish you could unhear, but once you've heard it, you absolutely can't ignore it. At least, I couldn't. So I walked with Ralph out of the assembly, making small talk and hoping to thwart any further plotting for the time being. Once I got back to my floor I told my coworker what I had heard, and she told me to go straight to the assistant principal with the info. So I called down, and after a little trouble, finally got in touch with the AP. She thanked me for the info and assured me that they'd handle it.

Neither Ralph nor Emo-kid showed up to class seventh period. I found out after school that the very next period, after the assembly, after my phone call to the AP, Ralph had jumped Emo-kid for snitching on him and then fled the campus. Not just got-into-a-fight, but full on attack-from-behind. The school sent the police to his house to pick him up. They handcuffed him, but didn't lock him up. My AP says they're going to push for expulsion. Emo-kid has filed for a restraining order on Ralph.

My coworker today asked me if I filed a report in regards to what I overheard at the assembly. It seems that the fact that it was a pre-meditated act of violence will really seal the deal as grounds for expulsion and pressing charges. And yet.. I'm still torn. I still see this kid in Ralph.. this kid that's on the verge. On the verge of anything.. and with this turn of events, he's found himself on the verge of becoming a true-blue juvenile delinquent. As much as I love and feel for Emo-kid.. I'm worried about Ralph. If he gets expelled from the school/district.. what's next for him? He can barely read/write.. he's not going to get a real education if no one sees his potential and pushes him back from this ledge. I fear that if I do file this report, I'm resigning him to a life of gang-banging and drug dealing.. precisely the future I hoped to help him avoid.

On the other hand, there's nothing forgiveable about what he did. Sure he was pressured into it by a kid possibly more evil than he, but he's still responsible for his actions and choices. And maybe the counseling staff could have handled the vodka situation differently so Ralph wouldn't know that Emo-kid had a hand in his getting in trouble. Maybe I should have noticed the orange juice wasn't right.. I don't know. But what Ralph did was wrong. He should face the consequences of his actions.. now. Rather than later, when the consequences are so much worse than getting kicked out of school.

And what happens to Emo-kid now? Will Ralph's posse avenge his fate by terrorizing him even more than he already has been? There's a reason why I call him Emo-kid, he's already emo without all this nonsense! I guess he's not entirely innocent either, he did share the vodka as opposed to being forced to drink.

I don't know how this story ends. I suspect it has something to do with what I decide to do (or not do) come Monday morning. And that's really, really heavy stuff to grapple with on a Friday night..

Take a Picture

2009-04-03T16:13:00.001-07:00

Snapped off of a student's paper...

Message left on my board during my off period..

"DEAR MS. CHEW
I STOPPED BY TO ASK YOU WHAT DID THE "W" STAND FOR IN GREEK LANGUAGE & WHAT WAS THE OMEGA SIGN.
THANKS FOR YOUR TIME READING
YOUR FAVORITE STUDENT
FREDO (LJPB)"

Blurb from a student's assignment.. (same assignment referenced last year)

How might you save money on your next electric bill? Name at least three things you can do to use less energy at home.
1. Play more basketball then playing basketball in the wii.
2. Get my smart on reading a book than getting smart from TV.
3. Go chat with friends in weekends.

Words, Hands, Hearts

2009-03-14T18:40:00.000-07:00

Thursday, passing period before Advisory. One of my freshman advisory students is cupping his cell phone to his ear, struggling to hear, speak, breathe, do anything. I almost tell him to get off his phone and get to class, but I let it pass. He's usually very loud, rambunctious, and ANNOYING.. typical 14 year old freshman boy. There's a difference in his demeanor that slowly creeps into my awareness as he finally comes through my door.

"Ms. Chew, can I have a pass to the office? I need to go home. Something happened, I need to go home."

I nod silently as I move to my desk to write him a pass. His friend comes over and asks what's wrong. I can barely make out their conversation.

"What happened? Oh my gosh, when?"
".. just barely today. I need to go home, I really don't feel like being here anymore."

I finish writing his pass and as I hand it to him, I quietly ask, "Are you alright? Is everything ok?"

He leaves without saying a word. Once he's gone, I pull his friend aside and ask him what happened.

"His brother just died."

I run across the hall to my coworker to tell her what I heard.

"Oh no.. that's why he was so upset this morning," she says. "He had his head down on the table and was crying. He wouldn't tell me what was wrong and didn't want to get sent down to Wellness."

I grab his counselor when I see her in the hall. She has someone call home and finds out that his brother was 23 years old. He died of a heart attack at home barely an hour after his mother had left for work.

I can't say that I know my student very well, he's only in my advisory period so I only see him once a week. But I didn't need to know him to read the grief and anguish on his face. Of course he didn't want to be in school anymore.

For a minute there I thought I had lost touch of the heartache and heart break that comes with working with my kids. Then it all came rushing back to me, a bittersweet, familiar sense of helplessness and hopelessness that reminds me.. I'm alive.

If This is Goodbye

2009-03-10T16:10:00.000-07:00

I was going to start this post off w/ "Well the good news is.. I still have a job." But then I realized that I had already used that intro. Last year. To the day. Which shows really how sad and precarious education's position is in the list of the Governator's priorities.

Sure the stats may look better. Only five of our staff are receiving layoff notices today. Only five. Except.. we are a really small school. So "only five" translates into.. maybe 15% of our staff. 22% of our English department. 25% of our social science department. 33% of our world language department. 100% of our health department. So yes, the good news is I still have my job. The bad news is, some of my dear, beloved coworkers might not.

I went in to speak with my principal today. I asked her if I should be worried about being consolidated. She said no, especially because of my double credential. If we need to cut some fat in math and in science, instead of losing a full-time employee.. I can go halfsies on science and math. I knew it was a good idea to add the credential in math when I did it, I just didn't know my ass would need saving so soon. Teaching physics will always be my first love and my priority, but it looks like being able to teach math too is what it's going to take to keep my job.

So what I want to say (of course people who blog have something they want to say) is this.. there is something WRONG here. Have I mentioned that California is ranked #47 in the list of state spending on their students? FORTY-FREAKIN'-SEVEN. Below the national average, below DC.. above only Utah, Arizona, Nevada, and Texas. I don't think my coworkers should have to worry about losing their job every year over things they have no control of--how the state is deciding to spend its money and how long they've been at the job. The system is obviously broken. I just wish I knew who could or how to fix it.

Superintendent Starts Layoff Process - 504 to Receive Notices

2009-03-04T21:38:00.000-08:00

[From an update email from our union]

Yesterday Superintendent Carlos Garcia officially announced the number of layoff notices that he intends to send out to certificated staff in the district. With Board of Education approval, he will send notices out to approximately 362 teachers and 144 administrators.

The Board of Education will meet tonight to officially approve the sending of the layoff notices. According to the superintendent, these notices will be hand delivered starting Monday, March 9th. Most likely this will happen by principals at school sites.

The anger and frustration that is generated by these layoff notices should be directed squarely at the Governor, and the state legislature. Because of their failure to enact a responsible education budget, SFUSD is facing a $29 million budget shortfall next school year.

Five city Supervisors attended the superintendent's press conference yesterday, all indicating their support for SFUSD to draw from the San Francisco Rainy Day Fund. However, at most the district will be eligible to draw $24 million, leaving at least a $5 million deficit. I have spoken repeatedly about the need to make any cuts as far away from the classroom as possible, and will continue to do so.

This includes protecting the jobs of all paraprofessionals as well. So far, we have heard no mention from the district as to what their intentions are with para layoffs. By law, district officials must send para layoff notices 45 days before the end of the school year.

Finally, layoff notices must be received by teachers no later than March 15th. In order to rescind those notices, the district must notify teachers by May 15th. Unfortunately, the official disbursement of the Rainy Day Fund does not take place until after the city budget process, which starts in June.

With Mayor Newsom taking the lead, last year the Board of Supervisors passed a resolution in May committing the city to providing the funds to the school district. It is our hope that the city will once again commit those funds early this year, in order to save the hundreds of teacher and para jobs at stake.

With the layoff process begun, the mayor will hold a press conference today to indicate his support and the Board of Supervisors is expected to consider a resolution at their 2:00 p.m. meeting today. Until the funds are fully committed, we will continue to make our case to them that our schools need their leadership and their support.

p.s. The dean got shat on today. Touchdown!

All the Things She Said

2009-01-27T18:53:00.000-08:00

Emails from the kiddies..

Ms. Chew I dont get how to do the part of the omewrok that says "vocabulary and Equations" ... HELP!!! thank you

Hi Kevin-

Just pick three important terms or equations from the section. They don't necessarily have to be the ones in bold. For example, for Section 24.1, obviously you could pick "absolute zero", but don't you think "Kelvin" is pretty important too? And like I said, there isn't really a wrong answer, it's just for you to practice picking out the main ideas from the textbook.

Hope this helps! Feel free to email me about HW more in the future!
Ms. Chew

Thank You I love you Teacher

And

HI MS.CHEW,
LIL JOHNNY PAPER BOY HERE. JUST TO SAY HI. LOL. IM BORED.

LITTLE JOHNNY PAPER BOY WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME? See you tomorrow in class.

I wasnt screaming at you..thatz just how i type and tewt girl!..get
wit the program.

Burn, Baby, Burn

2008-12-09T19:59:00.000-08:00

Yeah. So. This blog isn't getting regularly updated. I guess I'm just not in that place anymore. But. I need. To blog. This crazy. Day.

Really, the crazy was just third period. The class I HATE, which is unfortunate, because it's really just 3 kids in the class I hate. The others I actually like. Shame. Well, today we were doing a lab that is a management nightmare. It was a lab that I did in two class periods last year, that would probably have done well in a block period this year, but since I'm getting to the end of the semester, I decided to modify it and cram it into one period. Most of the kids could handle it. Third period couldn't.

So it took painstakingly long to even get to the lab because going through the Do Now and going over the homework took freakin' long because I had to say "Cesar, please be quiet" like every five seconds. We finally got to the lab, which is measuring your horsepower by timing how long it takes you to run up some stairs. I think it's a fun lab. Apparently they didn't. Again, it was really just third period who had a problem with it. Everyone else seemed to enjoy it.

And there we are, grinding our way through the lab, when across the hall I see my coworker holding back a girl's hair while she's throwing up into the trashcan. Seems some girls came to school (or maybe did it in school?) drunk and couldn't hold their liquor. And then one of my sixth period students, also drunk, for some reason wanted to bust in her door. She was literally calling security while this crazy, belligerent girl was trying to kick in her door. And then.

SOMEONE LIT A FIRE IN THE STAIRWAY.

Yes, the stairway that my kids were doing their lab in. Yes, the stairway that my third period f-ups were doing their lab in. They lit a flier that was taped to the wall on FIRE.

Of course we had to evacuate the building, and then one of my girls freaked out because the stairway doors closed on her because that's what they do in the event of fire. I had to submit a list of the kids that I knew were in the stairway when the fire happened.. which I'm not proud to say I kind of hoped they had done it because that would mean a lengthy suspension maybe even recommendation for expulsion there. Turns out it wasn't my kids, and I am a little relieved because then that means I'm not responsible, but I think it would be an understatement to say that I was a little wound up today.

Which actually turned out to be a pretty decent day, for the rest of the day, at least. Somehow I shook off the bad mood blue meanies and was pretty cheery by the end of the day. I don't know what that means. Maybe I've just grown accustomed to the crazy. Which.. is kind of sad. But it's my life.

Apologize

2008-10-29T16:52:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the silence. Life is busy, but it's been good. Second year is somehow still magically better than first. I guess in terms of updates.. Halloween dance got canceled due to low ticket sales, which means that I have to wait until November to show of my moves. CM hasn't been in school for about 3 weeks. I called him at home yesterday and he gave me a list of excuses (sick, injured leg, etc.) and promises to be back soon. He tells me Phillip is planning to start at City for second semester. I tell him to relay the message that if he doesn't, we're gonna be on him. We'll see how that goes, for the both of them. P-Day kids still do the secret handshake and cheer for P-Day, so that's nice. Hosting Asian club in my room during lunch every Tuesday. One of the seniors says I'm the "most hardcore" teacher at the school (what that means, I don't know!) That's all I can think of.

In the meantime, here are some interesting articles that feature students from our school.
http://missionlocal.org/2008/10/after-the-bell-tolls/
http://missionlocal.org/2008/10/crossing-another-frontier-this-time-to-college/
The first talks about after school programs and why they're limited in their effectiveness of "getting kids off the streets". The second is about the barriers to going to college for undocumented youth. Check check check it out.

Absolutely (Story of a Girl)

2008-09-20T04:29:00.000-07:00

Ok I'll let you in on a little secret. When I'm trying to name my posts, I come up with a theme and then I do a search on my iTunes for a song title with that theme in it. So this time I typed in "story" because I haven't really told many funny ones yet. And "Absolutely (Story of a Girl)" came up, which I thought was very appropriate because just a few weeks ago my coworkers and I were at a local pub that was hosting trivia night. One of the rounds was a listening round, where they basically went through a random iTunes playlist and you had to name the artist. Needless to say, I kicked ass. And when this song came up, I didn't hesitate one bit and wrote down "Nine Days" before my coworkers even knew what was happening. And gave the full title, parenthetical included. Because I grew up in the nineties/early 2000s and lived by my WHFS 99.1 (RIP!). But I digress.

Snapshots of this year's kids...

Girl: "Whoa did anybody else see that? It was like.. everything went black."
Boy: "Yea me too! You noticed it too?"
Girl: "What was that? Ms. Chew, what was that.. everything went black!"
Ms. Chew: "Uhh.. I think it's called blinking."

Some of my boys kept asking me if I was going to D-Day, if I was ready for D-Day, and I honestly have no clue what D-Day they're refering to was. So one day, when they asked me if I was ready for D-Day..

Ms. Chew: "I don't know about D-Day, but I'm always ready for P-Day."
Boys: "P-Day? What's that?"
Ms. Chew: "Physics day!"
Boys: "Physics day? When's that?"
Ms. Chew: "Everyday is Physics day!"

It was a geeky moment, get over it. BUT every day they see me they yell "Ms. Chew! P-DAY!!!" And they tell me how sad they are when they don't have P-Day because of the block scheduling. Cute.

One day in the hallway I was telling one of my boys to hurry up and get to class, so I made an arm pumping motion like I was scooting along. He thought it was the funniest thing and now I can make him laugh at any time by summoning the "hurry up dance." (I think this one is funnier if you saw me do the motions. Lo seinto.)

In the beginning of the year I give my students an "All About Me" info sheet to fill out. This year I told them that whatever name they put in the "I prefer to be called:" space is what I'll call them all year long, so beware. They were allowed to put anything short of racial or other slurs and anything that could be construed as sexual harassment, if they wanted me to call them "Little Johnny Paper Boy" I would. Some of the fun names I get to call my kids by this year.. Penguin, Iron Mike, BBoy Shadow, and Little Johnny Paper Boy. Names I refused.. Baba (from my Cantonese kid) and Christ (I'm a little concerned that he's actually serious. He writes it on his papers).

We have pigeons that live on the third floor of our building. It's gross and it's not okay. They poo everywhere and this year it's really gotten out of control. Four of the five science classrooms are in the main hallway, what we call the Circle of Crap. So last week we decided to draw some attention to the problem and show how serious we are about getting something done. We wore bright pink ponchos from Walgreens during passing periods. The kids got a big kick out of it and the administration finally took notice (although nothing's changed yet). We got to say things like...

Kid: "Ms. Chew, why are you guys wearing that?"
Ms. Chew: "For protection."
Kid: "From what?"
Ms. Chew: "For the poo!!"

and

Kid: "Ms. Chew, it's not raining outside."
Ms. Chew: "Oh but it's raining inside."
Kid: "No it's not!"
Ms. Chew: "It is. It's raining poo!!"

and sometimes I didn't even speak, I just pointed to the fresh new pile outside my doorway. Don't even get me started on the mint chocolate chip greens or flaming hot Cheetoh reds we get on a regular basis. Or the scrambled egg. Yum. The real funny thing is some of the kids really hadn't noticed until we brought it up. Or even denied that there were pigeons inside until we pointed at their butts hanging over the rafters, waiting to strike. It's so bad that I actually know the sound of pigeons taking a crap. Uggg. But today after school some boys were hanging around and they decided to wear our ponchos. We had three kids wearing bright pink ponchos, and a fourth wearing the bright green poncho with an additional plastic bonnet (with visor!) running around the school after hours. It was fantastic.

That's all I can think of for now. On a more serious note, we rematched against our soccer rival (see previous post) today and lost pretty miserably. At least it wasn't pouring, but it wasn't a good game. It was fun though, to see our boys play and support them. Some of last year's senior players came out to watch and we got to catch up with them and hear what they're up to these days. Two of the boys are at Heald College and kid with the red shoes is at Foothill College. The real disappointment, though, is Phillip. He did not look so good today, was all decked out in red accessories from head to toe, and is not taking any classes anywhere. Keep in mind that this is last year's soccer superstar prom king. I'm worried for him, but at list his brother CM is still at the school so we can check in on him from time to time. It would be really nice to NOT see him go down that path. Le sigh.

I Still Remember

2008-09-12T21:04:00.001-07:00

I still feel kind of bad because I made one of my kids feel bad this week. He made an inappropriate comment about 9/11 and I didn't really chew him out, but I was brutally honest in my reaction. Teaching the kids life lessons doesn't always feel good, I'm learning.

So they were working on their warm up, and someone notices the date. Says "hey, it's September 11th. Whoa." To which my student says something to the effect of "Yea it's been seven years, can't we forget about it already?" And I respond something to the effect of "I am not a person you want to say that to." And left it at that.

A little later on I was making my rounds around the classroom and I privately said to him "I really hope you didn't mean what you said earlier. I realize that it's been seven years and maybe you don't think people should make a huge deal out of it anymore, but you can't say we should forget it. My friend's dad died that day, and she'll never forget it." He felt really bad and apologized profusely, actually he was quite mature and said "I'm really sorry. I had no idea." And I just said that it's alright, but you can't make comments like that because you never know where someone is coming from. I spared him my personal story about where I was and how it affected my life, but I think it maybe really never occurred to him that peoples lives really were changed on that day.

The rest of the period though, he was like a puppy that had been kicked. Super polite and diligent in his work, even helped me clean up the lab area without asking. I could tell he still felt really bad about what he said. But I couldn't really help it. I don't think I was completely tactless in my response, and I think he really did need someone to teach him that lesson. But I can't help that I felt bad about making him feel bad.

We'll have to see where our relationship goes from here. Maybe it'll strike a chord with him that I leveled with him. It reminds me of when I was student teaching and I had a talk with a kid when I over heard him calling a misfit chair "gay", and a week later I heard him passing it on to his friend, saying "hey man, don't say that, that's not cool" when his friend made a similar remark. Ahh teaching. It's not just about reading, (w)riting, and (a)rithmetic. Or even physics. Sometimes, it's just about LIFE.

Everything's Magic

2008-09-09T21:16:00.000-07:00

Second year is MAGICAL. I mean.. it's almost unbelievable how much more smoothly this year is going. I'm practically waiting for this bubble to burst, but it hasn't (yet). We're into our third week here and I'm still on cloud nine. They weren't kidding when they said your first year teaching is the hardest. Second year has been good to me thus far.

Part of it is already having a niche carved out in the school for myself. I'm still "Ms. Chew Rocks" and now more and more students in the school know it. And since I kind of have a handle on what's going on in my class already, it frees me up for other fun things at school. Like cosponsoring the Asian Club. Like helping out with the after-school tutoring program. Like maybe organizing a school wide talent show? We'll see.

The plus side of having my old curriculum from last year is that now I can improve on it. I've got my barebones skeleton of what I want to do in class.. and now there's nowhere to go but up. I made up this ridiculous lab last week to introduce the idea of average speed. It was "the Physics Triathlon" which was basically the kids making up their own silly events, measuring their time and distances for these events, and racing each other to get the higher average speeds. In my head I was like.. well maybe this will work, but if it turns out lame at least they had a chance to experience average speed in a way they might remember. In class.. it was a gajillion times better than I had imagined. They ate it up. I had my screw-ups in the hallway running hurdles over chairs that they'd set up. I had my ESL kids crawling under the tables. I had my soccer boys running an obstacle course that they made with books and stools. It was amazing. They had so much fun.. and I actually think that they learned something about average speed from it. But we'll see when I give a quiz on Friday.

My algebra class has been a bit of a challenge for me. I think this is partly because algebra always came so naturally for me, it's hard for me to break it down and think like they might think about it. Not to mention that some of my kids should be switched up to Geometry or at least Algebra Honors, so they're extremely bored as I'm going through what whole numbers and integers are. I got a good group of freshmen, though. They're so cute and bright-eyed. High school is just beginning for them, which is kind of exciting. And I guess it might be good that with me they're getting a taste of what upper-class teachers are like. I definitely don't do as much hand holding as the other freshmen teachers do. Again, we'll just have to see how that works out.

I'm excited to keep getting to know this new batch of kids I have. And to be honest, some of my repeaters are actually dead serious and my best students right now. I can't stress enough how nice it is to have some kids that I already have a relationship with in my class. I mean, I saw them almost every day for a year and now I get to see them again.

Oh and at Asian Club today I got to see one of my favorite boys from last year that I've hardly seen at all in the halls. I got a nice big (but appropriate!) hug. It's nice to know that they miss me too. AHhhhhh I'm loving second year. It's freaking magic. If you're a first year and your reading this.. wahlau please hold on because it really is worth it!!

One Week

2008-08-30T10:48:00.001-07:00

Finished the first week! And holy cow.. second year is ridiculously easier than the first (so far). It was so nice to coast back into my place as Ms. Chew Rocks. Some of the big differences I've noticed are that I have a reputation that precedes me now and that I already know a lot of my kids. My chem juniors from last year are now phys seniors.. and my phys seniors from last year who failed are now my phys seniors. It's nice to have them around because we already have that relationship in place and it kind of sets the tone for the kids who are new to my classes. And it's really fun to run into the kids I don't have anymore who still love and/or miss me.

Case in point.. walking out of a staff meeting in the library and looking down from the balcony onto a couple of kids hanging out on the first floor after school. One kid who I don't have anymore this year yells up at me, "Ms. Chew I love you man!! I've always loved you!" Haha he's crazy.

I think the only complaints I have about this year so far is that it was really hot at school for the last few days (which makes for cranky kids and even crankier teachers) and my class numbers are all over the place. I think my ideal class would be around 25. Some of my physics classes have been around 35 while my algebra class is 10. A whopping TEN MOUSEY FRESHMEN ahhh what do I do with them.. and true to the nature of my school, the kids schedules have been changing left and right so my classes haven't quite settled in yet. We're expecting a load of kids to show up after Labor Day too.

Anyways, I guess I don't have many eventful stories to post thus far. It's been surprisingly smooth. I feel like a pro.. except maybe with the freshmen. And I was really tired after working all day every day after a three month vacation. I know, I know, what a thing to complain about!

So I'll leave you with a story about one of my kids from last year who is repeating a semester this year. Back at the end of last year a couple of my grad school classmates who are teaching now went back to Stanford to speak to the new class about what to expect from their first year teaching. It was really nice to share some real advice and just to be on the other side of that panel. One of our former instructors asked a poignant question, "What is the name of one student you're looking forward to seeing next year."

I didn't hesitate or skip a beat, immediately I called out the name of one of my kids I knew I'd have again. And let me tell you why. CM's older brother was everyone's favorite student last year, including mine. He was a star on the soccer team and crowned prom king. He had a great personality, he was the kind of kid who was fun to joke around with in class but at the same time was super respectful and always got the job done. CM started the year with me at the complete opposite end of the spectrum, to the point where if I didn't already know they were brothers and that they shared the same last name, I would have no reason to connect the two. Except for the fact that they both play soccer.

My theory is that CM just had really big shoes to fill. It's difficult following in the shadow of someone like Phillip. But by the end of the year he had really warmed up to me and became one of my favorite students. He started to actually try and do his work, and his efforts came with results. He had done a complete 180 and was kicking butt. So this year when he came back into my class I asked him, "so, are you ready to be one of my star students? You're going to be stellar." He responded, "hell yea, Ms. Chew!" I can't wait to watch him soar.

I'll end with this. We have modified block scheduling so now I only see my kids four times a week. CM has class with me Wednesday and not Thursday, so when he was hanging around my door on Thursday I poked fun at him. "What are you doing, miss me?"

"Yea, Ms. Chew."

Back in Black

2008-08-20T18:40:00.000-07:00

Yea, I wore black pants today just so I could use that as my tagline ;)

So begins year two of this indefinite adventure that is public high school teaching. Newsflash.. I survived year one!! It was tough at times, and always challenging, but I have to say by the end I felt like I hit my stride. Graduation was the best birthday present EVER. Just seeing my kids walk across the stage with their families in the stands cheering them on, especially the ones that almost didn't make it through the year (academically and/or mortally), was the perfect end to the school year.

And now I'm back. Four weeks of training/classes at the Exploratorium and four weeks chilling at home in MD, and now I'm back. Raring to go. Sort of. I'm not sure I'm ready to be back yet, but we had our first day of work today and it was so good to see my coworkers again. Even saw some of the juniors (now seniors!) when they came to pick up their schedules. After seeing the kids again, I'm a little excited. Still don't feel quite in the school mode yet, but I still have two more work days and a weekend before class starts on Monday. So here we go!!

New adventures to come this year..

Year two of my physics curriculum.
No more Chem!!
...but instead, one section of Algebra.
With freshmen.
Modified block scheduling (class four times a week, one of those times is 2x as long).

Let's do this like Brutus! Tune in soon for a new batch of adventures!

Too Good to Be True

2008-05-19T23:47:00.000-07:00

5/7/2008
Today is National Teacher Appreciation Day. Write 3 sentences about your favorite teacher ever (it doesn't have to be me!)

My 3rd favorite teacher is Ms. Chew because she rocks.

Ms. Chew's the greatest teacher ever. She's cool, and can really teach. She looks like a student though, but it okay.

All my teachers are my fav. because they all are hard workers, and I got respect for everybody if it wasnt for everyone I wouldnt be me

Ms. Chew.... because she's the only teacher that I don't have any complaints about. She's cool and understanding. She's young so it's easy to relate.

My favorite teacher is Ms. Chew because she never calls my house and she's always being nice. Plus she taught me physics which I thought I will never understand.

Thank you so much Ms. Chew. Your my favorite teacher because your so tiny like me! (JP) Just playing! Thankx kido cause your a cool teacher unlike other teachers hella grumpy.

My favorite teacher is Ms. Chew. Ms. Chew teaches physics and chemistry. She always rocks on!

My favorite teacher is Ms. Chew even though we got into an arguement. She understands a lot about where the kids come from. To add, when I need help she doesn't give up but tries to help.

Ms. chew your my favorite teacher cause you rock. You bring in good demos. You make physics interesting.

Ms. Chew because she always gives me a lot of chances, and I thank her for accepting my appologies :)

Ms. Chew is a good teacher. I like the way you teach Ms. Chew! [=

Ms. Chew is cool because she is short and proud. She does fun labs that can sometimes burn. She also is an Obama supporter. (He likes to make things up. I never said who I was supporting.)

Easier to Lie

2008-05-01T09:38:00.000-07:00

The kiddies are taking the California STAR tests (state standardized tests that teachers and schools are evaluated on.. blehhh!) this week. There is a subject-specific science test, which means my kiddies are taking the physics test. Which makes me nervous! Because even though I know that the test is crap, it's almost written to set them up to fail (i.e. one of the questions is about which probe they should use to measure some variable.. hello?!? We have no money for these probes, why should they know what they are?!?!?), I still want them to do well on it. It's like I have something to prove. But preliminary questioning about how the physics STAR test is going reveals that my kids are.. just pretty darn cute. And don't believe a word I say, apparently.

Case #1:
Ms. Chew (Rocks!): "So how's the physics test going?"
Student: "It's ok."
Ms. Chew (Rocks!): "Not too hard or anything?"
Student: "It's alright. But they give you that equation thinggy so it helps!"
Ms. Chew (Rocks!): "The equation sheet. It looks exactly like the one I showed you in class, right? I told you!"
Student: "I know. But I thought you were just saying that. You know."

Case #2:
Ms. Chew (Rocks!): "How's testing going?"
Student: "Ms. Chew I think I did okay on the physics test.. it was like all the stuff you told us."
Ms. Chew (Rocks!): "Of course it is!!"

Power to the People

2008-04-27T02:32:00.000-07:00

I had the kiddies do an activity where they estimated how many hours they used a few appliances each month and calculated how much money that would cost on a PG&E bill. I got some pretty freakin' awesome responses to the analysis questions..

Were you surprised by how much your appliances cost you each month? Why or why not?
Yes I understand my parents now! The fridge is expensive.

If microwaves and toasters need about 1000 W of power to operate, why do you think people still use them? (I was trying to get them to say that they are only used for a few minutes at time so it was okay that their wattages are on the high side.)
Because when their hungry they have to eat something.
because microwaves is very useful & it make thing go faster like soups are ready in 3 minutes so people don't have to wait too long to eat.
because the is the only way you can survie.

How might you save money on your next electric bill? Name at least three things you can do to use less energy at home.
not buying bread for the toaster anymore, how sad.
I think I should just use the computer to do my homework and not use it a lot to go to myspace!
Vaccum less.

And lastly, on their weekly warm-up sheet, re. a day I had to call in sick and get a sub..

Its nice to see yo face again I was sad to see that sandal man subsituting yesterday

One Step Closer

2008-04-22T20:12:00.000-07:00

So I found out today that my student who got stabbed.. no, I wasn't a block away. I was there.

I didn't make the connection until today, for some reason. As I was walking from my apartment to the school school dance on Friday I had noticed a bunch of cops at an intersection. A bunch of the neighbors in the area had come out of their houses to see what was going on. I asked them if they knew what was up, but no one had an answer.

But according to an update from our principal today,

He was stabbed three times and hit with a bat in his arm. The attackers appear to be gang related, but he was not wearing any colors or identifying in any way. He is a graduating senior and concerned about missing anything.

Another kid who is merely a bystander of the gang warfare and brokenness in the city. Needless to say, today I was pretty shook up just by the fact that even though I live in the same neighborhood as these kids.. I feel like I'm living in a different universe.

My bboy didn't come back to class today. I'm hoping he's alright and that he'll come back to me soon.

On another note.. if you live in SF you should vote YES on Proposition A: The Quality Teachers and Educators Act. It's going to be on the June 3rd ballot. More info here, but basically vote YES to support teachers like me and keep us working hard in the city for these kids that need us so desperately. KTHANXBAI.

This Breaks My Heart of Stone

2008-04-21T22:44:00.001-07:00

Bad day today.

It's Monday, but today was worse than usual.

First off, during lunch I found out that one of my advisory (think homeroom) kids got stabbed on the way to the school dance on Friday. Depending on the timing.. I could have been walking just one block away from him when he was stabbed. Not that I could have done anything to stop it, but I just have this urge to protect my children, y'know? The counselor says that the same guy that they think did it actually killed someone later that night, so he's lucky, in a sense. He's still in the hospital.

Then seventh period was hell. The kids were bouncing off the walls and just ADD in general. Side conversations and no matter how nicely or pissed off-ly I asked, they just would not shut up. Which was already disappointing because my classes for the rest of the day were surprisingly ok. But then one of my favorite boys flipped out and walked out of class, which is something that I totally don't expect from him.

This is my bboy kid. And it breaks my heart because as much as I love him and I spend time trying to motivate him to do well and to start a breakdance club at the school, he's still failing and flailing miserably in pretty much all his classes. So today, when I was already pissed at his friend and him for talking, I might have been a little short when I said "So I know will eventually get his work done, but I'm not so sure that sitting next to him is a good idea for you." And, tell me if I'm wrong, but I thought this was an honest, logical, yet kind way of saying "please move your seat or shut up".. but he just snapped and said "whatever I don't want to be here anyways!" and stormed out of the room.

I almost broke down right then because of my conflicted emotions. At that moment, I was ashamed that I actually felt relieved that he left because a) he talks non-stop when he's in my class and keeps whoever he's sitting next to from paying attention and b) he never gets any work done for me anyways so it's almost a lost cause trying to get him to pay attention. But then I love this kid so much and I know I shouldn't give up on him, even if he might not turn around in time to pass my class at least I can give him a good classroom experience so he's not completely turned off to school later on down the line.

So I didn't go after him.. I had to keep teaching my class. But then after school I tried to find him to reconcile and make sure he knew that asking him to move is very different than asking him to leave. He was no where to be found. And then I kept thinking of the other kid getting stabbed over the weekend not even two blocks from school.. and I'm worried that something could have happened to him because he wasn't in my class when he should have been.

I understand that some kids just have bad days (especially my city kids) and that they will blow up in your face for no reason. I guess I was just really upset because I had hoped that I'd been able to connect with him enough to ward off these explosions but at the same time my pragmatic side was telling me that the class was better off without him there. What good is it if you become a better teacher if you can't be a better person?

But let's leave this post on a good note. I had a couple of great experiences with the kids this weekend.. Friday we had a rally to protest the budget cuts and layoffs in the district. We had about 25 kids join a handful of teachers on a march from school down to City Hall where we met with students from Gal. And even though there were only 25 students involved.. I was so proud of them for coming out on their own Friday afternoon to support us teachers and their school. They were just so cute with their protest signs and cheering when people honked at our "Honk 4 Education" signs. They joined in our cheers, and even made up their own "Arnold, Arnold, you're a fool! We need money for our schools!" and "Educate, don't terminate!" Then the school dance was a blast, as was just chilling with them in the field during the flea market on Saturday. It's funny.. sometimes the best interactions I have with my students are those that happen outside the classroom. Nonetheless, it's those moments that create the connections that exist inside of class. So I hope.

idk, my bff Jill?

2008-04-17T23:26:00.001-07:00

Srsly.

Afroman lives.. unfortunately.

2008-04-17T17:05:00.000-07:00

"Ms. Chew, what are you going to be doing on 4/20?"
"Going to church and NOT smoking a doobie."

Had a conference with a parent, counselor, and some teachers. I remember when I first started this job and I was really idealistic. Like.. I would never be a teacher that gives up on her students. But lately, I've found that sometimes.. sometimes I'm just over it. This girl doesn't come to class. She just doesn't. Everyone says she's brilliant but getting mixed up in the wrong things. She's not very sweet, I don't find her very likable. She's manipulative. When her mom tried to discipline her, she called CPS on her. The poor woman just doesn't know how to deal with her anymore. The girl has been drinking since she was in the eighth grade, and blames her problem on her alcoholic father. Except when she gets into trouble, she calls her father because he's easier on her. He enables her.

It's an ugly situation, yes. And I should be more compassionate. This girl will probably become an alcoholic if she keeps it up. But WHAT am I supposed to do? I can't help her if she's not here. And at this point, even if she starts coming to class again, it would take forever for her to catch up. She's not even a pleasure to have in class. She's sassy and acts like she deserves privilege. She and a friend skipped a day of finals to go to the movies, and then came back begging with puppy-dog eyes to make up the exams (not mine, thank God.) I don't know. I just had to vent. I'm torn because I wish I cared more.. but I just don't. I'm over it. You can't save those who don't want to be saved.

Spitting Games

2008-03-11T19:25:00.000-07:00

Today we played a staff vs. student kickball game during lunch. So, during 2nd period I ran into my coworker's room and whispered "I don't know how to play kickball!" Needless to say it has probably been 12 years since the last time I've played kickball. It was fun, the students won. (Which is NOT a given.. we won the staff vs. students volleyball game.. which was against the girls varsity volleyball team!) But my point today is that I'm kind of proud of my ability to think quick, a skill which has been honed down over the past few months working with my kids.

After missing a catch while covering first base, my kids started yelling "Ms. Chew you suck!!" So I ran over to them, pointed at each and yelled "F! F! F! F! F! I haven't put in grades yet you know? Oops I think I lost all your papers! Zero!!!"

Still later, I missed another catch (yeah, I know. Twelve years, I told you!) And of course again they cheered "Ms. Chew you suck!!" (Sportmanship is not one of their fortes.) This time all I had to say was "Hey, that's not fair, I don't make fun of you while you're failing my tests!"

Touché!!

Well, the good news is..

2008-03-10T21:56:00.000-07:00

..I still have a job. Which, given the state of education in the state of California is no small feat. According to my union (yeah, I'm unionized. No, I don't know how to feel about that)..

Today, the SFUSD sent out at least 534 layoff notices to San Francisco teachers and administrators, because of the $4.8 billion in education cuts proposed by the Governor.

That damned governator. So on top of huge budget cuts for the state, we also have declining enrollment at our school (less students enrolling in each incoming freshman class, partly b/c the other "better" schools in the district have no enrollment caps and more kids=more money). So.. next year is looking kind of rocky. Layoffs and consolidations all around. We're losing at least one math and one English teacher for sure.

But let me not dwell on that. I don't like talking about that side of ed.

One of my boys got his girlfriend prego. Yeah. He's a senior, but she's like.. a sophomore? I'm not sure how to take that. The good news is that her family is supporting her, she's planning to finish out the school year and then have the baby. She'll keep the baby and her family will help. Jimmy White (self-given nickname) had a sonogram picture on his binder. I was like.. "who's is this?!?!!?" and he goes "mine." Eep. I'm 23 and single and my students are the ones making babies. Eep.

Another one of my boys came in during the morning to ask me to hold on to his skateboard for the day. He didn't show up to class 7th period. He came in afterschool to explain why he wasn't in class.. he found out during lunch that one of his best friends (who went to our school last year) was shot and killed the night before.

I'm tired. But I'm at the point where I know I'm going to be here next year and I'm ok with that. I'm happy I get to be around another year, even. So.. there's that. I apologize b/c my thoughts are kind of scattered right now. But I figured I was due an update.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

2008-02-21T17:50:00.000-08:00

Warning: Dark entry ahead.

So, I may have mentioned before that the violence in my school's neighborhood has gone up recently. This week the gang war hit our neighborhood like a Mack truck. Last night a student and a former student were stabbed and in really bad shape. One of the students was stabbed multiple times in the face. This morning a student was stabbed barely a block away from school at 10 in the morning. Which, by the way, is right outside the neighboring elementary school. To which I say, what the hell is going on?

Rumor has it that the rival gang to the gang that many of our students and our neighborhood associate or affiliate with is trying to push in. So they're using scare tactics which include targeting school aged Latino kids. They pressure them to claim a certain color, and sometimes will stab even before they've answered. And to spice it up, they're aiming for the eyes (which is what happened to one of the students last night).

Frankly, I'm scared for my kids. If the rumors are true, none of them are safe. They all fit the description. And even if they are good kids that don't even pretend to affiliate.. they might still get targeted. The kid who got stabbed today ran back into school to get help, which shows that our school really has become a safe-house for them.. but I'm worried about what exactly we can be doing for them. We kept a closed campus today (no one allowed off-campus during lunch or for various off-campus classes), which helps keep them safe during the day, but what about when they're walking to and from school? There are cops driving around everywhere in the neighborhood, but I still feel so helpless.

What makes me even more sad is how the students responded when the Principal made the announcement to keep the campus closed today. They said things like "they act like people don't get stabbed all the time." Which partly is teenagers acting more jaded than they really are, but there is a grain of salt to their argument. This "violence thing" isn't new to them, which makes it all the more sad.

Broken. I am constantly reminded how broken this world is when gang violence is just another part of a kid's life. And as much as I want to believe I'm making a difference, there's only so much I can do to change the situation. Everyone quotes Gandhi saying "be the change you want to see in the world".. well I'd really like to see what that looks like today.

My boys are, thankfully, thick-skinned.

2008-02-19T21:10:00.000-08:00

I have to make a better effort to blog more when things are good. The stories, that's what I want to remember years down the line. Here's one from today, as copied from a chat w/ a girlfriend of mine.

7:05 PM me: school was pretty good today
one of my kids was asking all these dumb questions
7:06 PM Grace: hahahah i thought there were no dumb questions in teaching
7:19 PM me: like "will this be on the test?"
so i said, let me let you in on a little secret.. that's one of my least favorite questions
b/c anything we do in class is fair game for a test and we always review before a test anyways
and he goes "well there are no stupid questions right?"
and i go "only stupid people"
7:20 PM Grace: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I also got a rose on Valentines day from one of my favorite Chem boys. "And not one of those cheap ass roses they're selling here at school" he would probably like me to point out.

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

2008-01-29T18:21:00.000-08:00

Roses = the good things that have happened in your life for the past day/week/month/etc. Thorns = the bad.

My roses and thorns for the first day of second semester..

Rose:
My kid who was in court and facing time in juvy was back in school today.. which means the judge must have gone easy on him or something. You could totally just see it on his face that he was so happy to be back in school. A kind of glow almost (I'm sure I didn't just imagine it!) He came in after school to make up his finals, which he has been doing all day. He's got a good student in him somewhere, maybe this was his wake-up call. As he was making up his final he asked me questions when he didn't understand and tried really hard, and pulled a C (which is VERY GOOD compared to his slacker buddies). I'm looking forward to this semester with him.

Thorn:
Found out last night that one of my students was shot on Saturday night. Something about an adult trying to rob someone in the house. I haven't dug around for the whole story, but can you imagine? He's freaking 17 years old, a senior in high school. I went to visit him in the hospital after school today. He looks as good as you can look after being shot in the stomach with a bullet going through your colon and kidney (or was it liver?) Thankfully the operation went well and he's expected to fully recover. But it was actually some kind of amazing to see how resilient these kids are.. when I was visiting his nurse(?) came by to see if he wanted to try walking between her and another nurse. He asked if they had a walker he could use because he wanted to use his own strength to walk, not rely on them to hold him up. Trooper.

That being said, I sincerely hope you, my readers, will never have to visit a 17 year-old in the hospital because of a gun shot wound. There's just something so broken with this world when an adult shoots a child in his own home. It took all the strength I had to not break down and cry in the elevator as I left the hospital. And tonight I fully plan on spending some time w/ Mr. Haagen Daaz and Mr. Bailey's Irish Cream.. because it's just one of those nights.

Your Hand in Mine

2008-01-24T23:01:00.000-08:00

Now that we've reached the end of first semester, I get asked the question from my coworkers a lot-- how was your first semester? Are you going to be sticking with us for next year? And while it's still early to make any concrete decisions, I can already see why a lot of people leave urban teaching within the first few years. Sometimes it can just be too much for one heart to hold.

One of my kids was in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people.. and has landed himself in custody this week. He's missing all of his finals. The judge won't even let us send our exams to him to take in the detention center. This poor kid is a perfect example of a student who has become a product of his environment. He came to our school two years ago, smart as a whip and very academically talented.. but he fell in with the wrong crowd and has been very touch and go with his schooling these days. He's brilliant, there's no doubt in my mind about that. He's one of these kids who can not do a lick of work all quarter but then miraculously pull a 95% on a unit test. When he's on, he's on, I've seen it.

But now he's gotten into some real trouble. I fear for him, because I'm afraid he's at a turning point in his life now. Maybe I'm being dramatic, but I feel like if this is it for him, if he gets sentenced and does time.. he's not coming back from this. He wants so much to be in school and at least finish up his exams, but if he doesn't get to and ends up failing out of this semester.. I just don't know. His case is getting a final hearing tomorrow morning at 9.

I had a lovely chat with the senior class counselor today about my seniors who are failing or on the verge of failing the semester. Almost every kid who I know has so much potential but isn't succeeding at school has a unique story about just why school doesn't quite matter that much to them.

One of my girls had been pretty much MIA for the first half of the semester. Finally she came in with the counselor and her mom. She's a senior who's taking almost no academic classes and basically just needs credit for my class to graduate. She promised to turn in all the work she was missing and be on her game for the rest of the semester. She was one of those kids who was able to pull good grades on tests and do the work on her own, so I made a deal with her. I'd accept late work--even from past quarters, if she kept it up and pulled her grade up by the end of the semester. She was doing really well until right around Christmas break. I stopped seeing or hearing from her for a while. Today the counselor told me that her father passed away. What do I do? Do I pass her on effort? The work is not there.. but I know she could have done it if circumstances were different.

I found out why another one of my students has horrible attendance but does well in my class when he is there. His really good friend was a student at our school, but then got into some trouble and dropped out. After dropping out he lived on the streets for a while and his family lost track of him. Finally his mother decided to check different morgues in the city and found him in October. The really sad thing is that the tag on his body said he had been dead since February. Can you imagine? Eight months, eight months? A mother not knowing what happened to her son for eight months? A child laying in a morgue for eight months without being identified? I almost cried when my kid didn't show for his final exam today.. but I was so relieved when he walked in about a half hour later. I wanted to give him a big hug I was so happy he made it.

Urban teaching, this is why we don't last. It's just too much for one heart to hold.

Long Road to Ruin

2008-01-19T12:56:00.001-08:00

Winding down the semester, finals start next week. I find myself talking to a co-working Tuesday morning.. "I just realized this is the end of first semester.. which means we still have a whole other semester to go. This can't be only the end of first semester.. I feel like I've been here my whole life!!"

Tuesday, during advisory (which is basically homeroom) I had a difficult but good conversation with one of my students. He's the same kid that was complaining about my worksheets not being about cars :). The topic for the day was about violence prevention and other sorts of things.. basically trying to motivate the students to become activists in their lives. They all see injustice, so what are they going to do about it? This student and I were talking about how he doesn't feel like he can do anything about his situation, he's just a kid. All they hear about is the white people in charge, and who's going to listen to a "young latino kid from the streets"? To which I say MAKE THEM LISTEN.

So our conversation turns towards the difference between me as an Asian minority and he as a Latino minority. I point out that even though Asians in this country are for the most part doing fairly well, we had our share of hard times doing the dirty work in getting this country started. He puts it as "the Chinese built the railroads, the blacks picked the cotton, and the Latino people picked the grapes.. but we're STILL picking the grapes!" He says yes, I am a minority too, but the kind that lives on the good side of the city.

I admit that he's right, but then point out that I am trying to do something about it.
"Why do you think I chose to come to teach at a school like this?"
"Yeah, I ask myself that everyday. Why is Ms. Chew teaching at a school like this?"
"I could have gone to Lowell (think Blair equivalent for you Maryland readers) or some other rich school, but I chose to do something about how things are and come here."
"Alright Ms. Chew, you're alright with me."

It's not the first conversation I've had with students where I get to put my money where my mouth is and say, look, I don't know much about your lives but I do care about you, why else would I be at this school? It's easy to get good teachers at rich, good schools, but who wants to teach at run-down, problem ridden city schools? Each time I have that conversation.. I'm further convicted of why I do what I do, but then sometimes I feel like a hypocrite. Because I don't know how long I can do this for. I don't really know how long anyone can do this for, except for an amazing, amazing few teachers. And in my mind, it's almost like the moment that I decide to walk away (whenever that might be, near or distant future) I'll undo all the good that I've done and become one of those people who does a stint in urban schools but then goes back to the safety and security of a cushy suburban job.

Anyways I'm not really going places with this post, I've just been reflecting a lot (esp. since the holiday break) about what I'm doing with my life, and where and how long I might be doing this for. I'm in no way close to declaring myself a lifer. Right now I can't say that I'm a lifer for city schools, teaching, or even the West Coast. Which is kind of hard to admit, but the truth. I've still got a long way to go in this school year, and a lot about myself to figure out.

Reality Check

2007-12-12T20:37:00.001-08:00

Everyone needs a good reality check every once in a while. Sometimes I like to be the one to serve these doses of reality to my kids. For instance (from a few weeks back)..

The kiddies are doing a worksheet on momentum-impulse theory stuff. There's a problem on the worksheet about a bug that hits a bus windshield. You know.. the force on the bug is the same as the force on the bus, the impulse is the same as well, etc, etc, etc.. one of my groups of boys just can't seem to concentrate on the worksheet. They keep talking about cars.. fixing them, mod-ing them, wrecking them, and no matter how many times I tell them to get back to work their minds always seem to come back to cars.

After the bajillionth time trying to get them on task, one of the boys insightfully asks, "Ms. Chew, all we can think about are cars. You should put cars on this worksheet."

I reply, "But there is a car. There's a bus."

"Yeah, but who wants to drive a bus?"

"YOU will if you don't get your act together and graduate high school!!"
Then during the next period, some of the girls on student council are talking about the big winter ball in January. It's quite pricey, but they assure me that it's because it's really nice, at a nice place, and there's food. They want to know if I'm going to go. I tell them I'll go only because I'm a teacher and I don't have to pay.

Then my favorite slacker (the soccer player who skipped out on his club tourney in LA) then says, "I'll go with Ms. Chew so I won't have to pay either!"

To which I respond, "You don't do anything for me why am I gonna go do anything for you?!?"

But then sometimes reality checks are not so pleasant. Like last week's brutal reminder that yes, I am working in an inner-city and my kids are real-life city kids. Last week was especially crazy and usually our incidents are much more spread out. Things were already tough when we found out a few weeks ago that another one of our graduates was killed in some gang-related violence. I teach his girlfriend too. Tristan and her are in the same circle of friends, so it's been especially tough on them.

Then the crazy of last week.

On Monday we had one of our sophomore girls threatening to jump off of the 3rd floor balcony. Luckily there were people around to diffuse the situation and get her help so she didn't hurt herself. I don't know her, but I know it got a lot of people shook up for the beginning of the week.

On Tuesday one of my boys (well, not technically my boy b/c I don't teach him, but he always tries to sneak into my 7th period) was stabbed in the neighborhood after school because of his colors. Or more specifically, from what we hear it was his girlfriends' colors that caught attention and then he was asked to lift up his shirt and show his belt color. One of my kids told me that the incident was very similar to how Tristan's boyfriend died, so that circle of friends was again very shaken up.

On Thursday another one of my boys, from the same group of friends, was held up at gunpoint for his iPod in Daly City. I don't know too many details about that story, but it was the cherry on top of a bitter, gritty week of city life for my kids.

Sometimes it's good to be reminded of why I do what I do. My kids shouldn't have to go through these hard times day after day. They're good kids, they are. They don't always make the best choices but if you just spend a few days and get to know them, you'll find that they're not all hardasses and they really are just kids at heart. It's this damn city that beats the kid out of them. I hope and pray that I'm making a difference in their lives, if through nothing else but just loving on them day in and day out. I'm not gonna lie, I'm very much looking forward to the break and time off of school, but maybe 2+ weeks off of school is dangerous for them. I pray that they'll be safe and come back to me in 2008.

Desperately in love...

2007-11-10T21:53:00.000-08:00

...with my kids.

Sometimes I forget, amongst the firedrills and fistfights and failing grades and peeing on doors, how much I really love my kids. And I know sometimes I just say that because making myself believe it gets me through the day. But today, today I was reminded that I really do love my kids. And they really are what gets me through the day.

Today my kids played in the San Francisco high school soccer championship finals against the rival school. Both our schools are in the same neighborhood and we lost to them in the finals last year, so it was a pretty big deal to play them again this year. I have like half the soccer team (and the cheerleading squad) in my classes, so naturally I had to show up to support them.

It was pouring rain, the field was a giant mud puddle mess, and we lost 2-0, but I couldn't be happier. Going to games and seeing my kids outside of the context of my classroom not only ups my street cred, but (for lack of a better phrase) it warms my heart to see my kids being kids. Hanging out with their friends and getting caught up in the moment. Even Stunna was there, forgetting to act too cool for school and cheering for the team. We had a great turn out of staff at the game and an even greater turnout of students and friends braving the freezing pouring rain to be a part of it all. I forgot how magical high school sports can be. And seeing one of my boys hugging his mom and crying after the game because he is a senior and this is his last game is an image that I will hold on to and cherish for months to come. That broke me. I remembered what my last game senior year was like, and for the first time I voluntarily hugged my kids. Kids being kids. This is what it's all about.

My Stanford buddy DK came up to catch the tail end of the game and just hang out with me in the city, and I couldn't help noticing that as we chatted at the local bar over a drink to thaw out our frozen bodies.. I couldn't stop talking about my kids. About Stunna cheering on the team, about Philip hugging his mom, about my kid in the red shoes who skipped his club tournament in LA to be with his team this weekend.. and it feels good. It feels good to forget about how frustrating and hard this teaching thing has been and just love on my kids. In this moment, right now.. it finally feels right. And I needed to write this feeling down before it's Monday again (or Tuesday, for this week.. 3-day weekend w00t!!) and I have to remind myself what the heck I'm doing this all for.

Hello, yeah, it's been a while..

2007-11-02T22:46:00.000-07:00

..not much, how 'bout you?

It's not that I have a lack of stories to tell and it's not that I haven't had time to write them. There's just a certain level of laziness that settles in and immobilizes me after school, to the point where after I've done all my planning for the next day, I only have the mental capacity to melt in front of the TV, a DVD, or some streaming Heroes/Grey's/Private Practice episodes. Sad? Yes, I know.

This week was crazy. But let me just throw in some stories from last week, before I forget them.

One of my students was absent from school for a day or so, and so when he came back I asked him for his readmit slip. He told me he hadn't gotten one yet because he needed to get his dad to write him a note for missing school. And then he asked, "My dad hasn't come home for a few days.. should I be worried?" Wahlauh.. what are you supposed to say to that?!? It's just him and his dad at home, and he hasn't seen his dad in a few days. I tried to be calm and reasonable, advised him to call some relatives or his dad's friends to see if they know where he's been. In the back of my mind I'm thinking.. do I call CPS?? Thankfully, the story has a (kind of) happy ending. His dad had just been coming home really late and leaving really early, so that he was only home while the kid was asleep. So on the one hand it's good that nothing happened to his dad, but on the other.. the kid still hadn't seen his dad for a few days. That's not so great.

Another student of mine missed some three days in the week, and I found out it was because her dad just died. When she finally came back to school, we were standing outside my classroom door chatting with another student/friend. Friend goes "where have you been?" and she responds "..my dad died?" Like a question. With a confused half smile. Like.. what the heck else can I say? But then her friend asked why she was smiling and laughing.. but I could tell that she was smiling because it sure beats crying. She said it didn't come as a surprise because her dad was drunk all day every day. I wanted so bad to give her a big hug.. but all I could do was give her an awkward pat on the head.

Stunna missed school one day because he was in the hospital. He said he was showing signs of appendicitis so they ran all these tests on him. But then he got tired of it.. and went home. As in.. just decided to up and leave. Knowing full well that if he really did have appendicitis and his appendix ruptured he could die. Because he was tired of waiting. His reasoning- "I figured if they found anything out from my tests they would call me." A seventeen year old's logic never fails.

Ok.. let's switch gears and turn off the world's tiniest violin.. this week was Halloween. Which was the main contributor to the crazy. I did dress up as my alter-ego "Ms. Chew Rocks!!" and it was really fun. My kids loved my outfit. Some of them even said I should dress like that every day. I had been warned by other veteran teachers that I shouldn't really plan on getting much done that day, so I was fine with having a pretty lowkey class. Halloween itself wasn't terribly eventful.. enjoyable, even.

The crazy began the next day. When kids either didn't come to school because they were too hungover from the night before, when they were half dead if they were in school because they had stayed up all night or were crashing from their sugar highs. I literally had to give two girls a time-out in opposite corners of the room because when I turned my back for a hot second, they were PULLING EACH OTHERS' HAIR. Like five year olds. And today the fire alarm went off three times. We only had to evacuate the building twice, but those happened within 15 minutes of each other.. right at the end of 6th period and the beginning of 7th. Which was actually kind of nice because it meant I didn't have to deal with my hell of a 7th for very long. Nonetheless.. it was a crazy end to a crazy week and I was more than happy to get the hell out.

What keeps me going these days is that there are some kids that I absolutely love. The ones that I can kick it with. That somehow I've gained street cred with. I don't have any specific stories to tell about them this time around.. but just know that there's still a part of me that loves my job because of these kids.

I'll end this hodgepodge post a picture of my Halloween getup. Enjoy.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you..

..Ms. Chew Rocks!! \m/

I'm THAT teacher...

2007-10-07T20:15:00.000-07:00

Student: "Ms. Chew, are you married?"
Me: "No, I'm not."
Student: "Ms. Chew, do you at least have a boyfriend?"
Me: "No, I don't."
Student: "Dang, you don't even have a boyfriend?!? Ms. Chew, you gotta get on it!!"

Rough Landing, Holly

2007-10-05T21:14:00.000-07:00

Oddly enough, it's days like these that remind me of how much I love teaching. I will never be short of stories to tell. I wrote my first referral today, but not for one of my students. While I would love to post what I wrote in the referral word-for-word, I turned it into the Dean before I made myself a copy, so you'll have to do with what I can recall from memory. But believe me, the incident is FRESH (I wish it wasn't so fresh) in my mind.

So, this has been a pretty crazy week for me. I'm losing my voice and getting a cold, mostly from the fact that the heat in my apartment wasn't working up until yesterday. The cold has begun to settle in to the city, which makes part of me miss the sunny, sunny South bay. Plus I have these four girls (believe me, I've used stronger words to describe them, but right now I'm in a better mood) in my 3rd period who have the entitlement syndrome (they feel they're entitled to an A, even though they bombed my unit test). I've got kids failing left and right, not for lack of understanding, but mostly because they have 2 assignments total turned in. And this, this is how I end my week...

It's Friday, and I'm in my 5th period prep taking a breather and mentally preparing myself for the onslaught of 6th and 7th period. There's about 10 minutes left in the period, so I hit up the staff ladies' room. I'm washing my hands and about to head back to my classroom, when I [beginning referral word-age here] smell, hear, and see urine coming under the door. I snap open the door and a student quickly turns his back to me. He says he was waiting for his girlfriend by the girls room and was ducking into the little hallway so that his teacher wouldn't see him. I ask him what's going on and he denies having anything to do with the smell of piss on the floor.

So I give him the benefit of the doubt, although he was the one who was standing in front of the staff bathroom door right as I opened it and he was the one with the awkward body shuffle (think... probably pulling up his pants), and ask him if he saw who did it. At first he says no, but then when I point out to him that he is the only one standing in front of the door and I literally saw the pee coming under the door, he says oh yeah, he did see some guy. He makes up some generic description of about 80% of the male population in our school, so I say sure, come down to the office with me and help me report this incident because you're my eyewitness. He's reluctant to go and a few times turns around and starts walking away, but I'm persistent. I'm not letting this go. I just got peed in the vicinity of, I'm not letting this go. Finally a security guard comes by and I explain the situation to him and he escorts the student to the Dean's office.

I then proceed to make the most bizarre phone call down to the main office to call for a custodian because someone peed on the staff bathroom door. To which, the secretary says "Someone PEED on the door?!?" My thoughts, exactly.

Needless to say, it made quite a story to tell during Happy Hour. I debated about posting this story here because I know my mom reads this blog, but I couldn't not post it. Welcome to school in the inner city. Where kids pee on doors.

October, WHAT?!

2007-10-01T21:56:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen, I have officially survived my first month of teaching. And after this week, my first grading period. For the first time, I will be assigning grades for report cards. The tables have TURNED, my friend!!

But in all seriousness.. it's pretty surreal that it's already October. ROCKtober. I know I haven't updated in a while, believe me it wasn't for lack of stories to tell. I guess I just haven't taken much time to reflect. School is still pretty tough, but I think I'm getting the hang of it. Mondays are rough.. I still get anxious on Sunday nights when I realize I have another long week ahead of me, but it's all about taking baby steps. I'm surviving, enjoying my kids even, most of the time.

On Friday we had our all-school Welcome Back assembly, which for whatever reason happened at the end of the fifth week of school. The superintendent came and spoke and everything and they had a portion of the assembly devoted to welcoming new staff members, myself included. It was really cheesy and lame.. run under the balloon archway when they call your name and everything. But I'm not gonna lie, it was really nice that when they called my name and I walked through the arch, my kids cheered for me. Nevermind the fact that I told 4th and 6th period to cheer "Ms. Chew ROCKS!" I yelled at 7th period all day and they still showed love. Even the other staff members have mentioned my warm reception since. Yes, I've made it. I'm the cool teacher ;) Just kidding. I'm not letting it get to my head, but it was nice after a hard day to get some sort of appreciation from the kids. No matter how much I yell at them and confuse the hell out of them with the math-y side of physics, they still seem to like me. I'm trying to return the favor.

One of my 7th period kids decided to claim one of my chem class safety goggles. He said he just wanted to borrow it and wear it around. I agreed, on one condition: I would write "CHEW" on it. He did me one better, and had me write "Ms. Chew ROCKS!" across the front. He wears them on his forehead around school from time to time. He's also one of the kids who yells up to me from the first floor and gets me to do my "Ms. Chew ROCKS" dance. He can be completely hell to deal with in class, but boy, that kid is a riot to have around.

We had Back-to-School Night last week, and I was actually pleasantly surprised by the turn-out of my kids' parents. Next to the super-cool freshmen Earth Sci teacher, I had the most parents visit me in the Science Dept. Rocktastic. I only got a few comments about my age (muy jovenista!), but for the most part the parents were happy to see me and anxious to hear about how their kids were doing in my class. For the most part I had good news for them, I didn't have the heart to say anything bad besides the occasional "he talks a lot in class". Don't get me wrong, I wasn't lying about grades, especially since they've already had progress reports so theoretically they should already know their kids' grades. But the worst thing I could bring myself to say was "to be honest, your son likes to walk around the class a lot and sometimes he makes really inappropriate comments". For better or for worse, his sister was translating and I know that it just came out "habla mucho", but hey, I tried. All in all, it was a pretty good Back-to-School night, and I was actually less nervous for this one than I was when I was student teaching at Cupertino last year. Good to know that even the parents of some of the screw-ups still care. There's hope.

On a more serious note, I have one kid that I found out is a bboy. Ok, that's not the serious part, that's actually fun. I told him that I used to breakdance in high school and now his curiosity is piqued. He always wants to hear about what I used to do or see what I can still do. Maybe I'll make a deal with him.. pass my class and we'll battle after the final. I saw him dance at Back-to-School Night and I can take him. ;) But the serious part is when he stuck around afterschool to make up a test and chat. He told me about how he used to be mixed up in gang stuff, lost some close friends to the scene. But now he's out and he bboys to keep out of trouble. What do you say to that? That right there--that's inner city life. It breaks my heart, and I sincerely hope my heart never stops breaking.

The day my heart stops breaking had better be the day my heart stops, period.

Touching :)

2007-09-16T19:50:00.000-07:00

If you could spend a day with anyone (living or dead), who would you choose and why?

I would choose my little brother, because I love him very much and I take good care of him. Also, because I really enjoy playing with him, he is so cute.

What do you like most about school? Why?

I like the afterschool homework I do in school, because I go to computers and all.

What do you like least about school? Why?

I really don't like the fighting, I mean, it's all about helping, not destroying.

What can I, as your teacher, do to make this class more engaging for you?

Nothing, you are a really good teacher, I like the way you teach. You are one of my favorite teachers.

MELT!

Help me remember

2007-09-13T12:37:00.000-07:00

why I do this job.

I prefer to be called:

Chuy

What do you like most about school? Why?

girls! because I like girls and like to have girls I could be with on the weekends

What can I, as your teacher, do to make this class more engaging for you?

You seem like a cool fun teacher, just don't give up on your students and make fun projects.

Do you have any special learning, physical, or emotional needs you want me to know about?

No I don't have any, I'm a normal kid that just wants to learn new things

Do you have any questions for me, your teacher?

umm? no not really, just lookin' forward to know you as a teacher

..that makes two of us.

The Hardest Part

2007-09-11T21:28:00.001-07:00

..is not just a Coldplay song.

For those of you who were wondering, I did finally move into the city. Thankfully, that shaves almost a half hour from my commute to school, and hopefully gives me back a half hour of my sanity.

Teaching is exhausting. In every sense of the word. I'll admit, that even now.. just the third week of the school year.. there are days when I just barely pluck myself out of bed to go to school. I find myself praying "God, help me. Help me serve my kids and be patient.. b/c I really don't want to be here right now." Can it really be this hard? Is this how the rest of my year is going to be?!? I breathe a huge sigh of relief when the end of 7th period rolls around each day.. but it's bittersweet b/c I know I'm going to have to do it all again the next day. I go home to my empty apartment w/ my roommate I never hang out w/ (mostly b/c I'm in bed by 10 every night).. and think.. Lord, when will this get easier?

Remember the hopes and fears activity I had my students do on the first day? I finally got around to reading the other students' responses.. this one comes from Tristan, the girl with the sad eyes (triste=sad en Español):

I hope I could get good grades and I hope I do things right so I won't fail any classes. And am looking forward to knowing what I gotta do for physics. But I do fear that I could possibly mess up in school because my boyfriend died during the summer so I'm really hoping I could clear my thoughts and do good. But my main goal is to pass my classes get my credits and join sports to keep my mind distracted.

I want to say that what keeps me going to work every morning is the hope that I'm making a difference in these kids lives, but some days.. I wonder if I'm even making a dent. And while I'm being completely honest.. I cry a lot, these days. I'm a complete basketcase whenever I talk to my family back home b/c I'm so freakin' homesick. Even just typing this, my eyes are welling up. Man.. it's only been four weeks since I've been home, but God I just need to make it 'til Christmas.

Ok so I promised this blog wouldn't be all sob stories and whining.. so I'll end with a story. My coworker and fellow STEP 2007 alum were eating lunch in another teacher's room with a bunch of freshmen. One such freshman decides to guess how old Lisa is.

"27?" He guesses.
"Close, 26." Lisa responds. "What about Ms. Chew? How old do you think she is?"
"I dunno.. 29?"

Rock.

Age ain't nothin' but a number..

2007-08-30T22:35:00.000-07:00

Stunna: "Ms. Chew, how old are you?"
Me: "How old do you think I am?"
Stunna: "Old enough to be sitting behind one of these desks."

..the story of my life.

Heartache to heartache, we stand.

2007-08-29T20:38:00.000-07:00

Three days deep into the school year and what a ride it's been. I'm not gonna lie.. it's only 8:39pm as I start this post and I kind of just want to go to bed right now. So far, teaching has been completely exhausting and physically grueling.. but I kinda love it.

Getting to know the kids and learn their names slowly, but surely, has been great. Like I said at the start, they are what it's all about. And my kids, my kids are city kids to the core. Some of them have some really gut-wrenching lives, the kind that no one, much less a 16 year old, should ever have to go through. I'm going to have to do my best to convince myself that they need to be learning about physics while the world around them keeps spinning (or crashing).

On the first day of class, as their "Do Now" (equivalent of a warm-up, the whole school does them) I had my kids write about three hopes and three fears they have for my class or for the year. Many of them fear failing the class and only a handful of them put that they hope to learn something (as the third hope last in line). One student, I'll call him Stunna b/c of his "stunna shades", wrote that he's afraid of messing up this year because he'll go to real jail, not juvy anymore. He's afraid of falling into his old ways and getting into fights. He's a charmer.. the kind of student that doesn't do real well or listen to you at all, but you love him anyway because of this ineffable quality he possesses. I hope he sticks out this year ok. I hope I can serve him. I hope he stays out of jail too.

Another one of my students has really sad eyes. If I didn't know any better, I'd think she was just sleepy. I wish she were just sleepy. Instead, her boyfriend of two years was shot and killed this summer. His sisters also go to our school, but I don't have them in any of my classes so I haven't interacted with them yet. How do you convince kids to care about school when their loved ones are ripped away from them? It's all I can do not to just run up to her and give her a hug and say "I'm here for you sweetie".. but at this point all I can do is smile at her and hope she knows I'm pulling for her. Today as she left class, she smiled (kinda?) and said "Bye Ms. Chew" and my heart just about fell apart. She's a trooper. She defines the word trooper.

Today during 7th period I had a student who was absolutely confrontational. That class is by far my largest class, so much so that I didn't have enough chairs set up around the desk tables. Three of the latecomers decided that they wanted to sit at the lab tables in the back, and when I asked them to pull up a stool to one of the desk tables, Ms. Faux-Hawk didn't want to have any of it. She kept throwing them 'bows, saying "man, I already got kicked out of one class today, now I'm gonna get kicked out of another". The beautiful thing, however, was that when I told her "hey, I don't want to kick you out. I'm not going to kick you out" she actually pulled up a stool and settled into class. A bit later I asked her about what happened in her other class and she totally leveled with me. Then she did a really great job on her classwork and wrote one of the most insightful responses I had seen all day. I'm excited to see where our relationship goes from here, but I'm hoping it's off to a better start.

On the lighter side of things, it's an incredible feeling that by the end of the first day, kids in the hall smile and say "Hi Ms. Chew" to me. Nevermind the fact that I only know a handful of my kids by name and that most of the time when I see them outside of my class the only way I know they have me is that they smile first/back at me. It's going to take me a good long while to get all their names down, and even more to get to know them and their stories. But I can't wait.

Last night, after work I felt like crap so I went to bed at 9pm. It felt really great but I didn't get anything done or get to hang out with anyone. Is this how my life is going to shape up to be? At least in school I get to "hang out" with my teaching colleagues. I am so looking forward to Happy Hour on Friday. And a glorious, glorious long weekend. Thank you, Mr. Labor, for having a birthday that we celebrate.

You have no idea how happy I am that hump day is over. Two more days until the long weekend. I sound like one of my kids.

And so it begins...

2007-08-26T12:00:00.000-07:00

My name is Christie Chew. (Sometimes Christi). My students know me as Ms. Chew. (Sometimes Chew-Chew or Chewy). I'm about to begin my first year full-time teaching (no student-teaching or mentor teacher strings attached) so I thought I might document the perils of my first year. Who am I blogging for? Perhaps for other teachers in the same spot. Maybe for people considering the profession of teaching. But honestly, mostly to keep my sanity and have something to laugh at (or commiserate with) years down the line.

I teach at a public high school deep in the bowels of San Francisco. I teach juniors and seniors. I teach physics. And guess what? I just found out last Thursday that I teach chemistry as well, even though I haven't touched chemistry since my freshman year of high school. Such is the life of a science teacher in an inner-city high school. My class sizes range from 22 to 39 students; I have a total of 164 students on my roster for the start of the school year. My classroom is graciously spacious, but not stocked with much. And as it is with public schools around the country, we're operating on a tight budget. This is going to be and adventure.

My first day of classes is tomorrow. I'm not quite sure what to expect. I try to hold on to the ideals that I had coming into teaching--remember why it is that I volunteered for this line of work. But so far it's been tough to keep my focus and drive with no kids in my classroom. It's been great getting to know the staff at my school, especially because there are many young (maybe not-so) bright-eyed, bushy-tailed teachers just like me who are looking to change this little corner of the world. I'm just anxious to see how much life will change once those 16-18 year olds start waltzing through my door.

This year will be test to see just how much I give in to my insecurities. I'm a small gal, so I fully expect every one of my students to be bigger, taller, and meaner than me. I accept that. I'm also young, so I don't really demand respect simply by my presence (I sometimes envy teachers who have that). I've heard that what young, beginning teachers lack in experience, they more than make up for in dedication and passion for the students. I'll let you know how that goes. Oh, and of course, if I wasn't already insecure in my ability to teach and my knowledge of physics, now I have the privilege and pleasure of teaching chemistry. Chemistry, the subject that I absolutely hated in high school. The subject that I avoided in college by majoring in physics (some strange decision by the powers that be at my university). Like I said, an adventure.

Did I mention I'm homeless? I've been crashing on my friend's couch in Palo Alto for almost 2 months now. Which means I commute at least 2 hours a day to and from work. I won't get started on the reasons why I'm still homeless, but you know if I'm still homeless in a month I might need to start another blog dedicated to the perils of apartment hunting in San Francisco.

Well. I think this is a good enough start for this thing. I'm going to try to be honest, and let's hope it doesn't turn out to be all negative whining. I'll blog my favorite stories about students too (names changed, of course), because, let's face it, that's what teaching is all about.

At the end of the day, there's still nothing else I would rather be doing with my life. Welcome to the profession.