Adding to the Noise

What kills me about Leonard's death (in addition of course to the fact that he's dead) is how people have been reacting to it. If you look at one of the links I posted yesterday to the SFGate article about the incident, you'll find comments like:

Good, little bastards got what they deserved!
BUTTHEADS!

Take the picture of the kid shot dead and put it on book covers and 7-11 cups. Drink up, homies! This could be you!

Too bad they didn't shoot them all.

One less festering pusbag to waste taxpayers money on. Too bad the police didn't have free reign to just shoot on site all 4 of the cretins. Underage? Who cares. Nailing the insects while they're in the maggot stage is best; you won't need the fly swatter later.

Man if I hear one more sniveling relative or teacher of one of this low life MF'ers pleading to the community for compassion I'm gonna be sick! F#*&^% menaces to society! Hang em!

It hurts to read these. Would these people change their minds if they knew Leonard? Or are they the kinds of people who walk across the street so they don't have to share a sidewalk with him?

Thanks world, I had almost forgotten how broken you really are.

Saturday, Bloody Saturday

Leonard: "How old are you, Ms. Chew? You've gotta be the youngest teacher here."
Ms. Chew: "I'm 24."
Leonard: "You look like you're 18."

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/11/16/BAMR1AL6D9.DTL
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/11/16/BASG1AKSI1.DTL

Bad news always comes when everything feels right. At least my Algebra class was more tame today, almost like they knew I needed a break.

I heard about Leonard first thing in the morning in the main office, listening to my principal talking to our security guard and another teacher about what happened. Leonard was one of our special education students who is in special day classes, meaning he rarely took classes with the general population. He left our school sometime near the end of last year. For this reason I couldn't place a face with the name so I kept moving.

Later on during an off period I saw some of my students in the hallway looking visibly upset. I tried to hunt down his picture in a yearbook to no avail.

We had an emergency staff meeting at lunch to talk about how we could support our students and how to handle this news.

Finally I walked by the makeshift memorial in the atrium. A large banner was draped across the lockers where students wrote their thoughts and memories for Leonard. On a small table was a picture of Leonard and some friends.

I remember him.

Newton's Laws

http://stahburst.googlepages.com/NewtonsLaws.mp3

Newton's Laws have got it goin' on
Newton's Laws have got it goin' on
Newton's Laws have got it goin' on
Newton's Laws have got it goin' on

First Law!
Newton, can I come over after school? (after school)
We can hang around and play us some pool (play some pool)
When the balls start rollin' they'll keep rollin' on (rollin' on)
Until another outside force comes along (comes along)
You know, if objects aren't moving, that's how they'll stay
It's all about inertia, Newton you're okay!

Newton's Laws have got it goin' on
When things are in motion they go on for so long
Newton, can't you see your laws were made for me
Forces cause 'celeration, I'm in love with Newton's Laws

Newton's Laws have got it goin' on
Newton's Laws have got it goin' on

Second Law!
Newton, do you remember when I mowed your lawn? (mowed your lawn)
Your mower was so massive I could hardly turn it on (turn it on)
I had to push it with a really large force (a large force)
And even once it was moving, was like pushing a horse (pushing a horse)
And I know that if it were just a little lighter
I could get it going really fast, just like an angry spider!

Third Law!
Newton, do you remember when we got in that fight? (in that fight)
When that gangsta punched you with all of his might? (all his might)
I was really mad and wanted you to fight back (fight him back)
But then you told me that it wasn't worth the attack (worth attack)
You said if his fist punched you first, you might get angry
But your face already punched him back, Newton now I see!

Newton's Laws, oh-oh oh-oh
Newton's Laws, oh-oh oh-oh
Newton can't you see your laws were made for me
Forces cause 'celeration, I'm in love with Newton's Laws

Tiny Little Fractures

I've been silent. Because it's mostly been going well this year. As a third year teacher, I feel like a veteran. I was at a math department meeting and the new math teacher turned to me and asked me if I was new. I said, "No." I probably was a little snarky when I said that.. but c'mon, am I new?? Just because I look 15 and you've never seen me before, doesn't mean I'm the one who doesn't belong. Ok that had nothing to do with anything, but I thought it was funny/offensive.

Yes, third year PHYSICS is going well. Even with trying out Interactive Notebooks for the first time (LOVE THEM), teaching physics is like second nature. It fits. I'm happiest when I'm teaching that class and those kids. Today I was teaching Newton's Third Law and throwing around all these examples and demos, got up on my mini-trampoline and just bounced. The kids laughed and I was having fun.

Why can't teaching freshmen be like that? Earth science is getting easier, and I'm so so so very grateful to my coworker who plans with me (more like lets me in on her plans for the class and takes care of all the copies/prep). The class is suffering, though, from first period syndrome--starting the class off with 10 people on time. Kind of reminds me of my first year teaching chemistry first period.. although this class is supposed to be about 40.

What's really killing me is algebra. Yes, this time it's my second year teaching algebra. I can no longer say that I'm a first year algebra teacher. I can't use it as my excuse anymore. So why do I suck at it so much? It's just one class of maybe 17 freshmen.. but at least once a week it makes me question if I'd come back next year if I had to teach it again. Which, if you know anything about me and how much I love love LOVE my school, is a pretty big deal.

Today I couldn't even start the class. I literally sat there, using every ounce of self-control in my body to keep myself from exploding, throwing something, or telling them all to just STFU. I kicked a kid out and another kid followed him out.. and I didn't even care. I was glad they were gone. I wanted to kick more out. I wanted to kick them all out, except maybe five of them. And this is what is killing me.. because I'm not that teacher. They bring the worst out of me and I can't even blame them because it's not really their fault that they act like children. That's what they are. They're basically still in middle school and it's supposed to be my job to teach them how to do high school, how to become my juniors and seniors that I can treat as adults.

But I don't know how to do that. And it's killing me.