Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Burn, Baby, Burn

Yeah. So. This blog isn't getting regularly updated. I guess I'm just not in that place anymore. But. I need. To blog. This crazy. Day.

Really, the crazy was just third period. The class I HATE, which is unfortunate, because it's really just 3 kids in the class I hate. The others I actually like. Shame. Well, today we were doing a lab that is a management nightmare. It was a lab that I did in two class periods last year, that would probably have done well in a block period this year, but since I'm getting to the end of the semester, I decided to modify it and cram it into one period. Most of the kids could handle it. Third period couldn't.

So it took painstakingly long to even get to the lab because going through the Do Now and going over the homework took freakin' long because I had to say "Cesar, please be quiet" like every five seconds. We finally got to the lab, which is measuring your horsepower by timing how long it takes you to run up some stairs. I think it's a fun lab. Apparently they didn't. Again, it was really just third period who had a problem with it. Everyone else seemed to enjoy it.

And there we are, grinding our way through the lab, when across the hall I see my coworker holding back a girl's hair while she's throwing up into the trashcan. Seems some girls came to school (or maybe did it in school?) drunk and couldn't hold their liquor. And then one of my sixth period students, also drunk, for some reason wanted to bust in her door. She was literally calling security while this crazy, belligerent girl was trying to kick in her door. And then.

SOMEONE LIT A FIRE IN THE STAIRWAY.

Yes, the stairway that my kids were doing their lab in. Yes, the stairway that my third period f-ups were doing their lab in. They lit a flier that was taped to the wall on FIRE.

Of course we had to evacuate the building, and then one of my girls freaked out because the stairway doors closed on her because that's what they do in the event of fire. I had to submit a list of the kids that I knew were in the stairway when the fire happened.. which I'm not proud to say I kind of hoped they had done it because that would mean a lengthy suspension maybe even recommendation for expulsion there. Turns out it wasn't my kids, and I am a little relieved because then that means I'm not responsible, but I think it would be an understatement to say that I was a little wound up today.

Which actually turned out to be a pretty decent day, for the rest of the day, at least. Somehow I shook off the bad mood blue meanies and was pretty cheery by the end of the day. I don't know what that means. Maybe I've just grown accustomed to the crazy. Which.. is kind of sad. But it's my life.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Apologize

Sorry for the silence. Life is busy, but it's been good. Second year is somehow still magically better than first. I guess in terms of updates.. Halloween dance got canceled due to low ticket sales, which means that I have to wait until November to show of my moves. CM hasn't been in school for about 3 weeks. I called him at home yesterday and he gave me a list of excuses (sick, injured leg, etc.) and promises to be back soon. He tells me Phillip is planning to start at City for second semester. I tell him to relay the message that if he doesn't, we're gonna be on him. We'll see how that goes, for the both of them. P-Day kids still do the secret handshake and cheer for P-Day, so that's nice. Hosting Asian club in my room during lunch every Tuesday. One of the seniors says I'm the "most hardcore" teacher at the school (what that means, I don't know!) That's all I can think of.

In the meantime, here are some interesting articles that feature students from our school.
http://missionlocal.org/2008/10/after-the-bell-tolls/
http://missionlocal.org/2008/10/crossing-another-frontier-this-time-to-college/
The first talks about after school programs and why they're limited in their effectiveness of "getting kids off the streets". The second is about the barriers to going to college for undocumented youth. Check check check it out.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Absolutely (Story of a Girl)

Ok I'll let you in on a little secret. When I'm trying to name my posts, I come up with a theme and then I do a search on my iTunes for a song title with that theme in it. So this time I typed in "story" because I haven't really told many funny ones yet. And "Absolutely (Story of a Girl)" came up, which I thought was very appropriate because just a few weeks ago my coworkers and I were at a local pub that was hosting trivia night. One of the rounds was a listening round, where they basically went through a random iTunes playlist and you had to name the artist. Needless to say, I kicked ass. And when this song came up, I didn't hesitate one bit and wrote down "Nine Days" before my coworkers even knew what was happening. And gave the full title, parenthetical included. Because I grew up in the nineties/early 2000s and lived by my WHFS 99.1 (RIP!). But I digress.

Snapshots of this year's kids...
Girl: "Whoa did anybody else see that? It was like.. everything went black."
Boy: "Yea me too! You noticed it too?"
Girl: "What was that? Ms. Chew, what was that.. everything went black!"
Ms. Chew: "Uhh.. I think it's called blinking."

Some of my boys kept asking me if I was going to D-Day, if I was ready for D-Day, and I honestly have no clue what D-Day they're refering to was. So one day, when they asked me if I was ready for D-Day..
Ms. Chew: "I don't know about D-Day, but I'm always ready for P-Day."
Boys: "P-Day? What's that?"
Ms. Chew: "Physics day!"
Boys: "Physics day? When's that?"
Ms. Chew: "Everyday is Physics day!"
It was a geeky moment, get over it. BUT every day they see me they yell "Ms. Chew! P-DAY!!!" And they tell me how sad they are when they don't have P-Day because of the block scheduling. Cute.

One day in the hallway I was telling one of my boys to hurry up and get to class, so I made an arm pumping motion like I was scooting along. He thought it was the funniest thing and now I can make him laugh at any time by summoning the "hurry up dance." (I think this one is funnier if you saw me do the motions. Lo seinto.)

In the beginning of the year I give my students an "All About Me" info sheet to fill out. This year I told them that whatever name they put in the "I prefer to be called:" space is what I'll call them all year long, so beware. They were allowed to put anything short of racial or other slurs and anything that could be construed as sexual harassment, if they wanted me to call them "Little Johnny Paper Boy" I would. Some of the fun names I get to call my kids by this year.. Penguin, Iron Mike, BBoy Shadow, and Little Johnny Paper Boy. Names I refused.. Baba (from my Cantonese kid) and Christ (I'm a little concerned that he's actually serious. He writes it on his papers).

We have pigeons that live on the third floor of our building. It's gross and it's not okay. They poo everywhere and this year it's really gotten out of control. Four of the five science classrooms are in the main hallway, what we call the Circle of Crap. So last week we decided to draw some attention to the problem and show how serious we are about getting something done. We wore bright pink ponchos from Walgreens during passing periods. The kids got a big kick out of it and the administration finally took notice (although nothing's changed yet). We got to say things like...
Kid: "Ms. Chew, why are you guys wearing that?"
Ms. Chew: "For protection."
Kid: "From what?"
Ms. Chew: "For the poo!!"
and
Kid: "Ms. Chew, it's not raining outside."
Ms. Chew: "Oh but it's raining inside."
Kid: "No it's not!"
Ms. Chew: "It is. It's raining poo!!"
and sometimes I didn't even speak, I just pointed to the fresh new pile outside my doorway. Don't even get me started on the mint chocolate chip greens or flaming hot Cheetoh reds we get on a regular basis. Or the scrambled egg. Yum. The real funny thing is some of the kids really hadn't noticed until we brought it up. Or even denied that there were pigeons inside until we pointed at their butts hanging over the rafters, waiting to strike. It's so bad that I actually know the sound of pigeons taking a crap. Uggg. But today after school some boys were hanging around and they decided to wear our ponchos. We had three kids wearing bright pink ponchos, and a fourth wearing the bright green poncho with an additional plastic bonnet (with visor!) running around the school after hours. It was fantastic.

That's all I can think of for now. On a more serious note, we rematched against our soccer rival (see previous post) today and lost pretty miserably. At least it wasn't pouring, but it wasn't a good game. It was fun though, to see our boys play and support them. Some of last year's senior players came out to watch and we got to catch up with them and hear what they're up to these days. Two of the boys are at Heald College and kid with the red shoes is at Foothill College. The real disappointment, though, is Phillip. He did not look so good today, was all decked out in red accessories from head to toe, and is not taking any classes anywhere. Keep in mind that this is last year's soccer superstar prom king. I'm worried for him, but at list his brother CM is still at the school so we can check in on him from time to time. It would be really nice to NOT see him go down that path. Le sigh.

Friday, September 12, 2008

I Still Remember

I still feel kind of bad because I made one of my kids feel bad this week. He made an inappropriate comment about 9/11 and I didn't really chew him out, but I was brutally honest in my reaction. Teaching the kids life lessons doesn't always feel good, I'm learning.

So they were working on their warm up, and someone notices the date. Says "hey, it's September 11th. Whoa." To which my student says something to the effect of "Yea it's been seven years, can't we forget about it already?" And I respond something to the effect of "I am not a person you want to say that to." And left it at that.

A little later on I was making my rounds around the classroom and I privately said to him "I really hope you didn't mean what you said earlier. I realize that it's been seven years and maybe you don't think people should make a huge deal out of it anymore, but you can't say we should forget it. My friend's dad died that day, and she'll never forget it." He felt really bad and apologized profusely, actually he was quite mature and said "I'm really sorry. I had no idea." And I just said that it's alright, but you can't make comments like that because you never know where someone is coming from. I spared him my personal story about where I was and how it affected my life, but I think it maybe really never occurred to him that peoples lives really were changed on that day.

The rest of the period though, he was like a puppy that had been kicked. Super polite and diligent in his work, even helped me clean up the lab area without asking. I could tell he still felt really bad about what he said. But I couldn't really help it. I don't think I was completely tactless in my response, and I think he really did need someone to teach him that lesson. But I can't help that I felt bad about making him feel bad.

We'll have to see where our relationship goes from here. Maybe it'll strike a chord with him that I leveled with him. It reminds me of when I was student teaching and I had a talk with a kid when I over heard him calling a misfit chair "gay", and a week later I heard him passing it on to his friend, saying "hey man, don't say that, that's not cool" when his friend made a similar remark. Ahh teaching. It's not just about reading, (w)riting, and (a)rithmetic. Or even physics. Sometimes, it's just about LIFE.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Everything's Magic

Second year is MAGICAL. I mean.. it's almost unbelievable how much more smoothly this year is going. I'm practically waiting for this bubble to burst, but it hasn't (yet). We're into our third week here and I'm still on cloud nine. They weren't kidding when they said your first year teaching is the hardest. Second year has been good to me thus far.

Part of it is already having a niche carved out in the school for myself. I'm still "Ms. Chew Rocks" and now more and more students in the school know it. And since I kind of have a handle on what's going on in my class already, it frees me up for other fun things at school. Like cosponsoring the Asian Club. Like helping out with the after-school tutoring program. Like maybe organizing a school wide talent show? We'll see.

The plus side of having my old curriculum from last year is that now I can improve on it. I've got my barebones skeleton of what I want to do in class.. and now there's nowhere to go but up. I made up this ridiculous lab last week to introduce the idea of average speed. It was "the Physics Triathlon" which was basically the kids making up their own silly events, measuring their time and distances for these events, and racing each other to get the higher average speeds. In my head I was like.. well maybe this will work, but if it turns out lame at least they had a chance to experience average speed in a way they might remember. In class.. it was a gajillion times better than I had imagined. They ate it up. I had my screw-ups in the hallway running hurdles over chairs that they'd set up. I had my ESL kids crawling under the tables. I had my soccer boys running an obstacle course that they made with books and stools. It was amazing. They had so much fun.. and I actually think that they learned something about average speed from it. But we'll see when I give a quiz on Friday.

My algebra class has been a bit of a challenge for me. I think this is partly because algebra always came so naturally for me, it's hard for me to break it down and think like they might think about it. Not to mention that some of my kids should be switched up to Geometry or at least Algebra Honors, so they're extremely bored as I'm going through what whole numbers and integers are. I got a good group of freshmen, though. They're so cute and bright-eyed. High school is just beginning for them, which is kind of exciting. And I guess it might be good that with me they're getting a taste of what upper-class teachers are like. I definitely don't do as much hand holding as the other freshmen teachers do. Again, we'll just have to see how that works out.

I'm excited to keep getting to know this new batch of kids I have. And to be honest, some of my repeaters are actually dead serious and my best students right now. I can't stress enough how nice it is to have some kids that I already have a relationship with in my class. I mean, I saw them almost every day for a year and now I get to see them again.

Oh and at Asian Club today I got to see one of my favorite boys from last year that I've hardly seen at all in the halls. I got a nice big (but appropriate!) hug. It's nice to know that they miss me too. AHhhhhh I'm loving second year. It's freaking magic. If you're a first year and your reading this.. wahlau please hold on because it really is worth it!!

Saturday, August 30, 2008

One Week

Finished the first week! And holy cow.. second year is ridiculously easier than the first (so far). It was so nice to coast back into my place as Ms. Chew Rocks. Some of the big differences I've noticed are that I have a reputation that precedes me now and that I already know a lot of my kids. My chem juniors from last year are now phys seniors.. and my phys seniors from last year who failed are now my phys seniors. It's nice to have them around because we already have that relationship in place and it kind of sets the tone for the kids who are new to my classes. And it's really fun to run into the kids I don't have anymore who still love and/or miss me.

Case in point.. walking out of a staff meeting in the library and looking down from the balcony onto a couple of kids hanging out on the first floor after school. One kid who I don't have anymore this year yells up at me, "Ms. Chew I love you man!! I've always loved you!" Haha he's crazy.

I think the only complaints I have about this year so far is that it was really hot at school for the last few days (which makes for cranky kids and even crankier teachers) and my class numbers are all over the place. I think my ideal class would be around 25. Some of my physics classes have been around 35 while my algebra class is 10. A whopping TEN MOUSEY FRESHMEN ahhh what do I do with them.. and true to the nature of my school, the kids schedules have been changing left and right so my classes haven't quite settled in yet. We're expecting a load of kids to show up after Labor Day too.

Anyways, I guess I don't have many eventful stories to post thus far. It's been surprisingly smooth. I feel like a pro.. except maybe with the freshmen. And I was really tired after working all day every day after a three month vacation. I know, I know, what a thing to complain about!

So I'll leave you with a story about one of my kids from last year who is repeating a semester this year. Back at the end of last year a couple of my grad school classmates who are teaching now went back to Stanford to speak to the new class about what to expect from their first year teaching. It was really nice to share some real advice and just to be on the other side of that panel. One of our former instructors asked a poignant question, "What is the name of one student you're looking forward to seeing next year."

I didn't hesitate or skip a beat, immediately I called out the name of one of my kids I knew I'd have again. And let me tell you why. CM's older brother was everyone's favorite student last year, including mine. He was a star on the soccer team and crowned prom king. He had a great personality, he was the kind of kid who was fun to joke around with in class but at the same time was super respectful and always got the job done. CM started the year with me at the complete opposite end of the spectrum, to the point where if I didn't already know they were brothers and that they shared the same last name, I would have no reason to connect the two. Except for the fact that they both play soccer.

My theory is that CM just had really big shoes to fill. It's difficult following in the shadow of someone like Phillip. But by the end of the year he had really warmed up to me and became one of my favorite students. He started to actually try and do his work, and his efforts came with results. He had done a complete 180 and was kicking butt. So this year when he came back into my class I asked him, "so, are you ready to be one of my star students? You're going to be stellar." He responded, "hell yea, Ms. Chew!" I can't wait to watch him soar.

I'll end with this. We have modified block scheduling so now I only see my kids four times a week. CM has class with me Wednesday and not Thursday, so when he was hanging around my door on Thursday I poked fun at him. "What are you doing, miss me?"

"Yea, Ms. Chew."

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Back in Black

Yea, I wore black pants today just so I could use that as my tagline ;)

So begins year two of this indefinite adventure that is public high school teaching. Newsflash.. I survived year one!! It was tough at times, and always challenging, but I have to say by the end I felt like I hit my stride. Graduation was the best birthday present EVER. Just seeing my kids walk across the stage with their families in the stands cheering them on, especially the ones that almost didn't make it through the year (academically and/or mortally), was the perfect end to the school year.

And now I'm back. Four weeks of training/classes at the Exploratorium and four weeks chilling at home in MD, and now I'm back. Raring to go. Sort of. I'm not sure I'm ready to be back yet, but we had our first day of work today and it was so good to see my coworkers again. Even saw some of the juniors (now seniors!) when they came to pick up their schedules. After seeing the kids again, I'm a little excited. Still don't feel quite in the school mode yet, but I still have two more work days and a weekend before class starts on Monday. So here we go!!

New adventures to come this year..
  • Year two of my physics curriculum.
  • No more Chem!!
  • ...but instead, one section of Algebra.
  • With freshmen.
  • Modified block scheduling (class four times a week, one of those times is 2x as long).
Let's do this like Brutus! Tune in soon for a new batch of adventures!

Monday, May 19, 2008

Too Good to Be True

5/7/2008
Today is National Teacher Appreciation Day. Write 3 sentences about your favorite teacher ever (it doesn't have to be me!)
My 3rd favorite teacher is Ms. Chew because she rocks.

Ms. Chew's the greatest teacher ever. She's cool, and can really teach. She looks like a student though, but it okay.

All my teachers are my fav. because they all are hard workers, and I got respect for everybody if it wasnt for everyone I wouldnt be me

Ms. Chew.... because she's the only teacher that I don't have any complaints about. She's cool and understanding. She's young so it's easy to relate.

My favorite teacher is Ms. Chew because she never calls my house and she's always being nice. Plus she taught me physics which I thought I will never understand.

Thank you so much Ms. Chew. Your my favorite teacher because your so tiny like me! (JP) Just playing! Thankx kido cause your a cool teacher unlike other teachers hella grumpy.

My favorite teacher is Ms. Chew. Ms. Chew teaches physics and chemistry. She always rocks on!

My favorite teacher is Ms. Chew even though we got into an arguement. She understands a lot about where the kids come from. To add, when I need help she doesn't give up but tries to help.

Ms. chew your my favorite teacher cause you rock. You bring in good demos. You make physics interesting.

Ms. Chew because she always gives me a lot of chances, and I thank her for accepting my appologies :)

Ms. Chew is a good teacher. I like the way you teach Ms. Chew! [=

Ms. Chew is cool because she is short and proud. She does fun labs that can sometimes burn. She also is an Obama supporter. (He likes to make things up. I never said who I was supporting.)

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Easier to Lie

The kiddies are taking the California STAR tests (state standardized tests that teachers and schools are evaluated on.. blehhh!) this week. There is a subject-specific science test, which means my kiddies are taking the physics test. Which makes me nervous! Because even though I know that the test is crap, it's almost written to set them up to fail (i.e. one of the questions is about which probe they should use to measure some variable.. hello?!? We have no money for these probes, why should they know what they are?!?!?), I still want them to do well on it. It's like I have something to prove. But preliminary questioning about how the physics STAR test is going reveals that my kids are.. just pretty darn cute. And don't believe a word I say, apparently.
Case #1:
Ms. Chew (Rocks!): "So how's the physics test going?"
Student: "It's ok."
Ms. Chew (Rocks!): "Not too hard or anything?"
Student: "It's alright. But they give you that equation thinggy so it helps!"
Ms. Chew (Rocks!): "The equation sheet. It looks exactly like the one I showed you in class, right? I told you!"
Student: "I know. But I thought you were just saying that. You know."

Case #2:
Ms. Chew (Rocks!): "How's testing going?"
Student: "Ms. Chew I think I did okay on the physics test.. it was like all the stuff you told us."
Ms. Chew (Rocks!): "Of course it is!!"

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Power to the People

I had the kiddies do an activity where they estimated how many hours they used a few appliances each month and calculated how much money that would cost on a PG&E bill. I got some pretty freakin' awesome responses to the analysis questions..
Were you surprised by how much your appliances cost you each month? Why or why not?
Yes I understand my parents now! The fridge is expensive.

If microwaves and toasters need about 1000 W of power to operate, why do you think people still use them? (I was trying to get them to say that they are only used for a few minutes at time so it was okay that their wattages are on the high side.)
Because when their hungry they have to eat something.
because microwaves is very useful & it make thing go faster like soups are ready in 3 minutes so people don't have to wait too long to eat.
because the is the only way you can survie.

How might you save money on your next electric bill? Name at least three things you can do to use less energy at home.
not buying bread for the toaster anymore, how sad.
I think I should just use the computer to do my homework and not use it a lot to go to myspace!
Vaccum less.

And lastly, on their weekly warm-up sheet, re. a day I had to call in sick and get a sub..
Its nice to see yo face again I was sad to see that sandal man subsituting yesterday

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

One Step Closer

So I found out today that my student who got stabbed.. no, I wasn't a block away. I was there.

I didn't make the connection until today, for some reason. As I was walking from my apartment to the school school dance on Friday I had noticed a bunch of cops at an intersection. A bunch of the neighbors in the area had come out of their houses to see what was going on. I asked them if they knew what was up, but no one had an answer.

But according to an update from our principal today,
He was stabbed three times and hit with a bat in his arm. The attackers appear to be gang related, but he was not wearing any colors or identifying in any way. He is a graduating senior and concerned about missing anything.

Another kid who is merely a bystander of the gang warfare and brokenness in the city. Needless to say, today I was pretty shook up just by the fact that even though I live in the same neighborhood as these kids.. I feel like I'm living in a different universe.

My bboy didn't come back to class today. I'm hoping he's alright and that he'll come back to me soon.

On another note.. if you live in SF you should vote YES on Proposition A: The Quality Teachers and Educators Act. It's going to be on the June 3rd ballot. More info here, but basically vote YES to support teachers like me and keep us working hard in the city for these kids that need us so desperately. KTHANXBAI.

Monday, April 21, 2008

This Breaks My Heart of Stone

Bad day today.

It's Monday, but today was worse than usual.

First off, during lunch I found out that one of my advisory (think homeroom) kids got stabbed on the way to the school dance on Friday. Depending on the timing.. I could have been walking just one block away from him when he was stabbed. Not that I could have done anything to stop it, but I just have this urge to protect my children, y'know? The counselor says that the same guy that they think did it actually killed someone later that night, so he's lucky, in a sense. He's still in the hospital.

Then seventh period was hell. The kids were bouncing off the walls and just ADD in general. Side conversations and no matter how nicely or pissed off-ly I asked, they just would not shut up. Which was already disappointing because my classes for the rest of the day were surprisingly ok. But then one of my favorite boys flipped out and walked out of class, which is something that I totally don't expect from him.

This is my bboy kid. And it breaks my heart because as much as I love him and I spend time trying to motivate him to do well and to start a breakdance club at the school, he's still failing and flailing miserably in pretty much all his classes. So today, when I was already pissed at his friend and him for talking, I might have been a little short when I said "So I know will eventually get his work done, but I'm not so sure that sitting next to him is a good idea for you." And, tell me if I'm wrong, but I thought this was an honest, logical, yet kind way of saying "please move your seat or shut up".. but he just snapped and said "whatever I don't want to be here anyways!" and stormed out of the room.

I almost broke down right then because of my conflicted emotions. At that moment, I was ashamed that I actually felt relieved that he left because a) he talks non-stop when he's in my class and keeps whoever he's sitting next to from paying attention and b) he never gets any work done for me anyways so it's almost a lost cause trying to get him to pay attention. But then I love this kid so much and I know I shouldn't give up on him, even if he might not turn around in time to pass my class at least I can give him a good classroom experience so he's not completely turned off to school later on down the line.

So I didn't go after him.. I had to keep teaching my class. But then after school I tried to find him to reconcile and make sure he knew that asking him to move is very different than asking him to leave. He was no where to be found. And then I kept thinking of the other kid getting stabbed over the weekend not even two blocks from school.. and I'm worried that something could have happened to him because he wasn't in my class when he should have been.

I understand that some kids just have bad days (especially my city kids) and that they will blow up in your face for no reason. I guess I was just really upset because I had hoped that I'd been able to connect with him enough to ward off these explosions but at the same time my pragmatic side was telling me that the class was better off without him there. What good is it if you become a better teacher if you can't be a better person?

But let's leave this post on a good note. I had a couple of great experiences with the kids this weekend.. Friday we had a rally to protest the budget cuts and layoffs in the district. We had about 25 kids join a handful of teachers on a march from school down to City Hall where we met with students from Gal. And even though there were only 25 students involved.. I was so proud of them for coming out on their own Friday afternoon to support us teachers and their school. They were just so cute with their protest signs and cheering when people honked at our "Honk 4 Education" signs. They joined in our cheers, and even made up their own "Arnold, Arnold, you're a fool! We need money for our schools!" and "Educate, don't terminate!" Then the school dance was a blast, as was just chilling with them in the field during the flea market on Saturday. It's funny.. sometimes the best interactions I have with my students are those that happen outside the classroom. Nonetheless, it's those moments that create the connections that exist inside of class. So I hope.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

idk, my bff Jill?

































Srsly.

Afroman lives.. unfortunately.

"Ms. Chew, what are you going to be doing on 4/20?"
"Going to church and NOT smoking a doobie."

Had a conference with a parent, counselor, and some teachers. I remember when I first started this job and I was really idealistic. Like.. I would never be a teacher that gives up on her students. But lately, I've found that sometimes.. sometimes I'm just over it. This girl doesn't come to class. She just doesn't. Everyone says she's brilliant but getting mixed up in the wrong things. She's not very sweet, I don't find her very likable. She's manipulative. When her mom tried to discipline her, she called CPS on her. The poor woman just doesn't know how to deal with her anymore. The girl has been drinking since she was in the eighth grade, and blames her problem on her alcoholic father. Except when she gets into trouble, she calls her father because he's easier on her. He enables her.

It's an ugly situation, yes. And I should be more compassionate. This girl will probably become an alcoholic if she keeps it up. But WHAT am I supposed to do? I can't help her if she's not here. And at this point, even if she starts coming to class again, it would take forever for her to catch up. She's not even a pleasure to have in class. She's sassy and acts like she deserves privilege. She and a friend skipped a day of finals to go to the movies, and then came back begging with puppy-dog eyes to make up the exams (not mine, thank God.) I don't know. I just had to vent. I'm torn because I wish I cared more.. but I just don't. I'm over it. You can't save those who don't want to be saved.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Spitting Games

Today we played a staff vs. student kickball game during lunch. So, during 2nd period I ran into my coworker's room and whispered "I don't know how to play kickball!" Needless to say it has probably been 12 years since the last time I've played kickball. It was fun, the students won. (Which is NOT a given.. we won the staff vs. students volleyball game.. which was against the girls varsity volleyball team!) But my point today is that I'm kind of proud of my ability to think quick, a skill which has been honed down over the past few months working with my kids.

After missing a catch while covering first base, my kids started yelling "Ms. Chew you suck!!" So I ran over to them, pointed at each and yelled "F! F! F! F! F! I haven't put in grades yet you know? Oops I think I lost all your papers! Zero!!!"

Still later, I missed another catch (yeah, I know. Twelve years, I told you!) And of course again they cheered "Ms. Chew you suck!!" (Sportmanship is not one of their fortes.) This time all I had to say was "Hey, that's not fair, I don't make fun of you while you're failing my tests!"

Touché!!

Monday, March 10, 2008

Well, the good news is..

..I still have a job. Which, given the state of education in the state of California is no small feat. According to my union (yeah, I'm unionized. No, I don't know how to feel about that)..
Today, the SFUSD sent out at least 534 layoff notices to San Francisco teachers and administrators, because of the $4.8 billion in education cuts proposed by the Governor.

That damned governator. So on top of huge budget cuts for the state, we also have declining enrollment at our school (less students enrolling in each incoming freshman class, partly b/c the other "better" schools in the district have no enrollment caps and more kids=more money). So.. next year is looking kind of rocky. Layoffs and consolidations all around. We're losing at least one math and one English teacher for sure.

But let me not dwell on that. I don't like talking about that side of ed.

One of my boys got his girlfriend prego. Yeah. He's a senior, but she's like.. a sophomore? I'm not sure how to take that. The good news is that her family is supporting her, she's planning to finish out the school year and then have the baby. She'll keep the baby and her family will help. Jimmy White (self-given nickname) had a sonogram picture on his binder. I was like.. "who's is this?!?!!?" and he goes "mine." Eep. I'm 23 and single and my students are the ones making babies. Eep.

Another one of my boys came in during the morning to ask me to hold on to his skateboard for the day. He didn't show up to class 7th period. He came in afterschool to explain why he wasn't in class.. he found out during lunch that one of his best friends (who went to our school last year) was shot and killed the night before.

I'm tired. But I'm at the point where I know I'm going to be here next year and I'm ok with that. I'm happy I get to be around another year, even. So.. there's that. I apologize b/c my thoughts are kind of scattered right now. But I figured I was due an update.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Warning: Dark entry ahead.

So, I may have mentioned before that the violence in my school's neighborhood has gone up recently. This week the gang war hit our neighborhood like a Mack truck. Last night a student and a former student were stabbed and in really bad shape. One of the students was stabbed multiple times in the face. This morning a student was stabbed barely a block away from school at 10 in the morning. Which, by the way, is right outside the neighboring elementary school. To which I say, what the hell is going on?

Rumor has it that the rival gang to the gang that many of our students and our neighborhood associate or affiliate with is trying to push in. So they're using scare tactics which include targeting school aged Latino kids. They pressure them to claim a certain color, and sometimes will stab even before they've answered. And to spice it up, they're aiming for the eyes (which is what happened to one of the students last night).

Frankly, I'm scared for my kids. If the rumors are true, none of them are safe. They all fit the description. And even if they are good kids that don't even pretend to affiliate.. they might still get targeted. The kid who got stabbed today ran back into school to get help, which shows that our school really has become a safe-house for them.. but I'm worried about what exactly we can be doing for them. We kept a closed campus today (no one allowed off-campus during lunch or for various off-campus classes), which helps keep them safe during the day, but what about when they're walking to and from school? There are cops driving around everywhere in the neighborhood, but I still feel so helpless.

What makes me even more sad is how the students responded when the Principal made the announcement to keep the campus closed today. They said things like "they act like people don't get stabbed all the time." Which partly is teenagers acting more jaded than they really are, but there is a grain of salt to their argument. This "violence thing" isn't new to them, which makes it all the more sad.

Broken. I am constantly reminded how broken this world is when gang violence is just another part of a kid's life. And as much as I want to believe I'm making a difference, there's only so much I can do to change the situation. Everyone quotes Gandhi saying "be the change you want to see in the world".. well I'd really like to see what that looks like today.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

My boys are, thankfully, thick-skinned.

I have to make a better effort to blog more when things are good. The stories, that's what I want to remember years down the line. Here's one from today, as copied from a chat w/ a girlfriend of mine.
7:05 PM me: school was pretty good today
one of my kids was asking all these dumb questions
7:06 PM Grace: hahahah i thought there were no dumb questions in teaching
7:19 PM me: like "will this be on the test?"
so i said, let me let you in on a little secret.. that's one of my least favorite questions
b/c anything we do in class is fair game for a test and we always review before a test anyways
and he goes "well there are no stupid questions right?"
and i go "only stupid people"
7:20 PM Grace: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I also got a rose on Valentines day from one of my favorite Chem boys. "And not one of those cheap ass roses they're selling here at school" he would probably like me to point out.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

Roses = the good things that have happened in your life for the past day/week/month/etc. Thorns = the bad.

My roses and thorns for the first day of second semester..

Rose:
My kid who was in court and facing time in juvy was back in school today.. which means the judge must have gone easy on him or something. You could totally just see it on his face that he was so happy to be back in school. A kind of glow almost (I'm sure I didn't just imagine it!) He came in after school to make up his finals, which he has been doing all day. He's got a good student in him somewhere, maybe this was his wake-up call. As he was making up his final he asked me questions when he didn't understand and tried really hard, and pulled a C (which is VERY GOOD compared to his slacker buddies). I'm looking forward to this semester with him.

Thorn:
Found out last night that one of my students was shot on Saturday night. Something about an adult trying to rob someone in the house. I haven't dug around for the whole story, but can you imagine? He's freaking 17 years old, a senior in high school. I went to visit him in the hospital after school today. He looks as good as you can look after being shot in the stomach with a bullet going through your colon and kidney (or was it liver?) Thankfully the operation went well and he's expected to fully recover. But it was actually some kind of amazing to see how resilient these kids are.. when I was visiting his nurse(?) came by to see if he wanted to try walking between her and another nurse. He asked if they had a walker he could use because he wanted to use his own strength to walk, not rely on them to hold him up. Trooper.

That being said, I sincerely hope you, my readers, will never have to visit a 17 year-old in the hospital because of a gun shot wound. There's just something so broken with this world when an adult shoots a child in his own home. It took all the strength I had to not break down and cry in the elevator as I left the hospital. And tonight I fully plan on spending some time w/ Mr. Haagen Daaz and Mr. Bailey's Irish Cream.. because it's just one of those nights.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Your Hand in Mine

Now that we've reached the end of first semester, I get asked the question from my coworkers a lot-- how was your first semester? Are you going to be sticking with us for next year? And while it's still early to make any concrete decisions, I can already see why a lot of people leave urban teaching within the first few years. Sometimes it can just be too much for one heart to hold.

One of my kids was in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people.. and has landed himself in custody this week. He's missing all of his finals. The judge won't even let us send our exams to him to take in the detention center. This poor kid is a perfect example of a student who has become a product of his environment. He came to our school two years ago, smart as a whip and very academically talented.. but he fell in with the wrong crowd and has been very touch and go with his schooling these days. He's brilliant, there's no doubt in my mind about that. He's one of these kids who can not do a lick of work all quarter but then miraculously pull a 95% on a unit test. When he's on, he's on, I've seen it.

But now he's gotten into some real trouble. I fear for him, because I'm afraid he's at a turning point in his life now. Maybe I'm being dramatic, but I feel like if this is it for him, if he gets sentenced and does time.. he's not coming back from this. He wants so much to be in school and at least finish up his exams, but if he doesn't get to and ends up failing out of this semester.. I just don't know. His case is getting a final hearing tomorrow morning at 9.

I had a lovely chat with the senior class counselor today about my seniors who are failing or on the verge of failing the semester. Almost every kid who I know has so much potential but isn't succeeding at school has a unique story about just why school doesn't quite matter that much to them.

One of my girls had been pretty much MIA for the first half of the semester. Finally she came in with the counselor and her mom. She's a senior who's taking almost no academic classes and basically just needs credit for my class to graduate. She promised to turn in all the work she was missing and be on her game for the rest of the semester. She was one of those kids who was able to pull good grades on tests and do the work on her own, so I made a deal with her. I'd accept late work--even from past quarters, if she kept it up and pulled her grade up by the end of the semester. She was doing really well until right around Christmas break. I stopped seeing or hearing from her for a while. Today the counselor told me that her father passed away. What do I do? Do I pass her on effort? The work is not there.. but I know she could have done it if circumstances were different.

I found out why another one of my students has horrible attendance but does well in my class when he is there. His really good friend was a student at our school, but then got into some trouble and dropped out. After dropping out he lived on the streets for a while and his family lost track of him. Finally his mother decided to check different morgues in the city and found him in October. The really sad thing is that the tag on his body said he had been dead since February. Can you imagine? Eight months, eight months? A mother not knowing what happened to her son for eight months? A child laying in a morgue for eight months without being identified? I almost cried when my kid didn't show for his final exam today.. but I was so relieved when he walked in about a half hour later. I wanted to give him a big hug I was so happy he made it.

Urban teaching, this is why we don't last. It's just too much for one heart to hold.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Long Road to Ruin

Winding down the semester, finals start next week. I find myself talking to a co-working Tuesday morning.. "I just realized this is the end of first semester.. which means we still have a whole other semester to go. This can't be only the end of first semester.. I feel like I've been here my whole life!!"

Tuesday, during advisory (which is basically homeroom) I had a difficult but good conversation with one of my students. He's the same kid that was complaining about my worksheets not being about cars :). The topic for the day was about violence prevention and other sorts of things.. basically trying to motivate the students to become activists in their lives. They all see injustice, so what are they going to do about it? This student and I were talking about how he doesn't feel like he can do anything about his situation, he's just a kid. All they hear about is the white people in charge, and who's going to listen to a "young latino kid from the streets"? To which I say MAKE THEM LISTEN.

So our conversation turns towards the difference between me as an Asian minority and he as a Latino minority. I point out that even though Asians in this country are for the most part doing fairly well, we had our share of hard times doing the dirty work in getting this country started. He puts it as "the Chinese built the railroads, the blacks picked the cotton, and the Latino people picked the grapes.. but we're STILL picking the grapes!" He says yes, I am a minority too, but the kind that lives on the good side of the city.

I admit that he's right, but then point out that I am trying to do something about it.
"Why do you think I chose to come to teach at a school like this?"
"Yeah, I ask myself that everyday. Why is Ms. Chew teaching at a school like this?"
"I could have gone to Lowell (think Blair equivalent for you Maryland readers) or some other rich school, but I chose to do something about how things are and come here."
"Alright Ms. Chew, you're alright with me."

It's not the first conversation I've had with students where I get to put my money where my mouth is and say, look, I don't know much about your lives but I do care about you, why else would I be at this school? It's easy to get good teachers at rich, good schools, but who wants to teach at run-down, problem ridden city schools? Each time I have that conversation.. I'm further convicted of why I do what I do, but then sometimes I feel like a hypocrite. Because I don't know how long I can do this for. I don't really know how long anyone can do this for, except for an amazing, amazing few teachers. And in my mind, it's almost like the moment that I decide to walk away (whenever that might be, near or distant future) I'll undo all the good that I've done and become one of those people who does a stint in urban schools but then goes back to the safety and security of a cushy suburban job.

Anyways I'm not really going places with this post, I've just been reflecting a lot (esp. since the holiday break) about what I'm doing with my life, and where and how long I might be doing this for. I'm in no way close to declaring myself a lifer. Right now I can't say that I'm a lifer for city schools, teaching, or even the West Coast. Which is kind of hard to admit, but the truth. I've still got a long way to go in this school year, and a lot about myself to figure out.