Adding to the Noise

What kills me about Leonard's death (in addition of course to the fact that he's dead) is how people have been reacting to it. If you look at one of the links I posted yesterday to the SFGate article about the incident, you'll find comments like:

Good, little bastards got what they deserved!
BUTTHEADS!

Take the picture of the kid shot dead and put it on book covers and 7-11 cups. Drink up, homies! This could be you!

Too bad they didn't shoot them all.

One less festering pusbag to waste taxpayers money on. Too bad the police didn't have free reign to just shoot on site all 4 of the cretins. Underage? Who cares. Nailing the insects while they're in the maggot stage is best; you won't need the fly swatter later.

Man if I hear one more sniveling relative or teacher of one of this low life MF'ers pleading to the community for compassion I'm gonna be sick! F#*&^% menaces to society! Hang em!

It hurts to read these. Would these people change their minds if they knew Leonard? Or are they the kinds of people who walk across the street so they don't have to share a sidewalk with him?

Thanks world, I had almost forgotten how broken you really are.

Saturday, Bloody Saturday

Leonard: "How old are you, Ms. Chew? You've gotta be the youngest teacher here."
Ms. Chew: "I'm 24."
Leonard: "You look like you're 18."

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/11/16/BAMR1AL6D9.DTL
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/11/16/BASG1AKSI1.DTL

Bad news always comes when everything feels right. At least my Algebra class was more tame today, almost like they knew I needed a break.

I heard about Leonard first thing in the morning in the main office, listening to my principal talking to our security guard and another teacher about what happened. Leonard was one of our special education students who is in special day classes, meaning he rarely took classes with the general population. He left our school sometime near the end of last year. For this reason I couldn't place a face with the name so I kept moving.

Later on during an off period I saw some of my students in the hallway looking visibly upset. I tried to hunt down his picture in a yearbook to no avail.

We had an emergency staff meeting at lunch to talk about how we could support our students and how to handle this news.

Finally I walked by the makeshift memorial in the atrium. A large banner was draped across the lockers where students wrote their thoughts and memories for Leonard. On a small table was a picture of Leonard and some friends.

I remember him.

Newton's Laws

http://stahburst.googlepages.com/NewtonsLaws.mp3

Newton's Laws have got it goin' on
Newton's Laws have got it goin' on
Newton's Laws have got it goin' on
Newton's Laws have got it goin' on

First Law!
Newton, can I come over after school? (after school)
We can hang around and play us some pool (play some pool)
When the balls start rollin' they'll keep rollin' on (rollin' on)
Until another outside force comes along (comes along)
You know, if objects aren't moving, that's how they'll stay
It's all about inertia, Newton you're okay!

Newton's Laws have got it goin' on
When things are in motion they go on for so long
Newton, can't you see your laws were made for me
Forces cause 'celeration, I'm in love with Newton's Laws

Newton's Laws have got it goin' on
Newton's Laws have got it goin' on

Second Law!
Newton, do you remember when I mowed your lawn? (mowed your lawn)
Your mower was so massive I could hardly turn it on (turn it on)
I had to push it with a really large force (a large force)
And even once it was moving, was like pushing a horse (pushing a horse)
And I know that if it were just a little lighter
I could get it going really fast, just like an angry spider!

Third Law!
Newton, do you remember when we got in that fight? (in that fight)
When that gangsta punched you with all of his might? (all his might)
I was really mad and wanted you to fight back (fight him back)
But then you told me that it wasn't worth the attack (worth attack)
You said if his fist punched you first, you might get angry
But your face already punched him back, Newton now I see!

Newton's Laws, oh-oh oh-oh
Newton's Laws, oh-oh oh-oh
Newton can't you see your laws were made for me
Forces cause 'celeration, I'm in love with Newton's Laws

Tiny Little Fractures

I've been silent. Because it's mostly been going well this year. As a third year teacher, I feel like a veteran. I was at a math department meeting and the new math teacher turned to me and asked me if I was new. I said, "No." I probably was a little snarky when I said that.. but c'mon, am I new?? Just because I look 15 and you've never seen me before, doesn't mean I'm the one who doesn't belong. Ok that had nothing to do with anything, but I thought it was funny/offensive.

Yes, third year PHYSICS is going well. Even with trying out Interactive Notebooks for the first time (LOVE THEM), teaching physics is like second nature. It fits. I'm happiest when I'm teaching that class and those kids. Today I was teaching Newton's Third Law and throwing around all these examples and demos, got up on my mini-trampoline and just bounced. The kids laughed and I was having fun.

Why can't teaching freshmen be like that? Earth science is getting easier, and I'm so so so very grateful to my coworker who plans with me (more like lets me in on her plans for the class and takes care of all the copies/prep). The class is suffering, though, from first period syndrome--starting the class off with 10 people on time. Kind of reminds me of my first year teaching chemistry first period.. although this class is supposed to be about 40.

What's really killing me is algebra. Yes, this time it's my second year teaching algebra. I can no longer say that I'm a first year algebra teacher. I can't use it as my excuse anymore. So why do I suck at it so much? It's just one class of maybe 17 freshmen.. but at least once a week it makes me question if I'd come back next year if I had to teach it again. Which, if you know anything about me and how much I love love LOVE my school, is a pretty big deal.

Today I couldn't even start the class. I literally sat there, using every ounce of self-control in my body to keep myself from exploding, throwing something, or telling them all to just STFU. I kicked a kid out and another kid followed him out.. and I didn't even care. I was glad they were gone. I wanted to kick more out. I wanted to kick them all out, except maybe five of them. And this is what is killing me.. because I'm not that teacher. They bring the worst out of me and I can't even blame them because it's not really their fault that they act like children. That's what they are. They're basically still in middle school and it's supposed to be my job to teach them how to do high school, how to become my juniors and seniors that I can treat as adults.

But I don't know how to do that. And it's killing me.

One of These Things First

I survived the first week! It was really tiring, but it looks like this is going to be a good year. It's taking me a bit to learn all my freshies' names (don't blame me, there are 44 in my Earth Science class!) but the juniors and seniors do not disappoint. The dust hasn't quite settled on student schedules, so hopefully my class sizes will go down in the next few days. It's been so great seeing familiar faces and getting to hang out with the kids again. So here's some fodder to get you started on this year.. answers from different students on an "All About Me" questionnaire:

Describe something in nature that you would like to know more about.

I would like to no [sic] more about homeless people that are in the street why they are there

One time I was walking on the beach and I saw a dog jump of a cliff. I wana know what the hell was it thinking.

If you could spend a day with anyone, who would you choose and why?

I would choose my mom because I never spent a whole day with my mom and it would make me happy to see her have a good time outdoors.

What can I, as your teacher, do to make this class more engaging for you?

be you Ms. Chew the crazy hyper you.

Do you have any questions for me, your teacher?

Not really uhm you're cool so far. This is more of a comment.

What do you like least about school?

The birds.

(Just Like) Starting Over

Hello hello and welcome to my blog, now in its third year running. That's right, ladies and gents.. we are about to embark on year THREE of this epic quest that is my teaching career. Lest you think that since I will be a fully tenured teacher the battles will cease and it's all smooth sailing from here, here's a look at the changes in store for our brave heroine..

• "New" principal. Our principal took a job at the district office and our assistant principal is moving up to the principalship. (Is that a word?)
• His assistant principal vacancy will be filled by a man by the name of Mr. Chew. (I kid you not! I haven't met him yet.)
• Our other assistant principal will be on maternity leave for the beginning month or so. She is temporarily relieved by a man my coworkers call the Sith?
  
• Two of my favorite senior teachers are not returning. Two other teachers are also not returning, but I wasn't as close to them.
• One of the new hires is from Teach for America. I promise to do my best to play nice.
• Trying out interactive notebooks with the physics kids.
  
• I may be teaching three preps.

Did you see that? Did you see how I snuck that in there? Teaching three preps. I think it shows some growth on my part that I'm not completely freaking out about it. I'm no stranger to having random new preps thrown at me last minute (first year was Chemistry, second year Algebra), and sadly I was kind of expecting it.

But can I pause a minute and whine/vent just a little? I promise it won't take too long. I know I don't have much to complain about since I still have my job and I still get to be at the school I love.. but can I for ONCE just do the job I was trained and hired for? I teach physics. I teach PHYSICS. I got the math credential so I wouldn't have to teach chem again but it's not what I was trained to do. Teaching math is not what I'm good at, by any stretch of the imagination. And now I might have physics, geometry AND earth science. Earth science WTC?!? What do I know about the rock cycle? Climate? Ecosystems?? Oh yea.. geometry? Side-angle-side theorem and pi=3.1415..? At least my principal gave me a heads up about the geometry and asked how I felt about it. There's a good chance that it'll be switched back to algebra. And the main earth science teacher is a rockstar so I have someone really solid to piggy-back off of.

Part of what this means, and what I'm trying to avoid thinking about.. is that I'll be teaching two sections of freshmen. Ahh freshmen, the bane of my existence last year. Who knows, maybe we'll get a batch that aren't gang bangers selling screwdrivers during standardized testing. But beyond not feeling adequate teaching subjects that I'm not familiar with.. I REALLY don't feel adequate teaching that age group. I'm not entirely warm and nuturing. I don't like holding the kids' hands. Don't mistake my heart for my kids for coddling. I try to treat my juniors and seniors like little adults. They make their choices and they live with the consequences. Freshmen still need to be taught about what that's like. I don't know that I'm the one that can teach them that.

Anyways. I just needed to get that out of my system. But like I said.. I was expecting this. So. One more week of summer (minus three days of PD and meetings) and then it's go time. I'm almost ready.

In Memory Of...

To: Ms. Chew
From: Fredy

Seems like yesterday that you were
filling the house with stories and jokes
of how things were back in the good ol' days,
of how tradition is important and so is culture.

Seems like yesterday that my music and
clothes made you laugh.

Yet today... the house looks empty and the
clouds roll in, the stories are muted
and the jokes are humorless.
The house cries, because you are gone.

But you are still here in my sorrow
and my tears.
in my smile and laughter
in the walls of my heart that
will always keep you in and
will never let you go.
--F.S.

The poem one of my seniors wrote for me after I told him about my grandma passing away. It's moments like these that show me the love goes both ways.