It's Monday, but today was worse than usual.
First off, during lunch I found out that one of my advisory (think homeroom) kids got stabbed on the way to the school dance on Friday. Depending on the timing.. I could have been walking just one block away from him when he was stabbed. Not that I could have done anything to stop it, but I just have this urge to protect my children, y'know? The counselor says that the same guy that they think did it actually killed someone later that night, so he's lucky, in a sense. He's still in the hospital.
Then seventh period was hell. The kids were bouncing off the walls and just ADD in general. Side conversations and no matter how nicely or pissed off-ly I asked, they just would not shut up. Which was already disappointing because my classes for the rest of the day were surprisingly ok. But then one of my favorite boys flipped out and walked out of class, which is something that I totally don't expect from him.
This is my bboy kid. And it breaks my heart because as much as I love him and I spend time trying to motivate him to do well and to start a breakdance club at the school, he's still failing and flailing miserably in pretty much all his classes. So today, when I was already pissed at his friend and him for talking, I might have been a little short when I said "So I know
I almost broke down right then because of my conflicted emotions. At that moment, I was ashamed that I actually felt relieved that he left because a) he talks non-stop when he's in my class and keeps whoever he's sitting next to from paying attention and b) he never gets any work done for me anyways so it's almost a lost cause trying to get him to pay attention. But then I love this kid so much and I know I shouldn't give up on him, even if he might not turn around in time to pass my class at least I can give him a good classroom experience so he's not completely turned off to school later on down the line.
So I didn't go after him.. I had to keep teaching my class. But then after school I tried to find him to reconcile and make sure he knew that asking him to move is very different than asking him to leave. He was no where to be found. And then I kept thinking of the other kid getting stabbed over the weekend not even two blocks from school.. and I'm worried that something could have happened to him because he wasn't in my class when he should have been.
I understand that some kids just have bad days (especially my city kids) and that they will blow up in your face for no reason. I guess I was just really upset because I had hoped that I'd been able to connect with him enough to ward off these explosions but at the same time my pragmatic side was telling me that the class was better off without him there. What good is it if you become a better teacher if you can't be a better person?
But let's leave this post on a good note. I had a couple of great experiences with the kids this weekend.. Friday we had a rally to protest the budget cuts and layoffs in the district. We had about 25 kids join a handful of teachers on a march from school down to City Hall where we met with students from Gal. And even though there were only 25 students involved.. I was so proud of them for coming out on their own Friday afternoon to support us teachers and their school. They were just so cute with their protest signs and cheering when people honked at our "Honk 4 Education" signs. They joined in our cheers, and even made up their own "Arnold, Arnold, you're a fool! We need money for our schools!" and "Educate, don't terminate!" Then the school dance was a blast, as was just chilling with them in the field during the flea market on Saturday. It's funny.. sometimes the best interactions I have with my students are those that happen outside the classroom. Nonetheless, it's those moments that create the connections that exist inside of class. So I hope.
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