Tiny Little Fractures

I've been silent. Because it's mostly been going well this year. As a third year teacher, I feel like a veteran. I was at a math department meeting and the new math teacher turned to me and asked me if I was new. I said, "No." I probably was a little snarky when I said that.. but c'mon, am I new?? Just because I look 15 and you've never seen me before, doesn't mean I'm the one who doesn't belong. Ok that had nothing to do with anything, but I thought it was funny/offensive.

Yes, third year PHYSICS is going well. Even with trying out Interactive Notebooks for the first time (LOVE THEM), teaching physics is like second nature. It fits. I'm happiest when I'm teaching that class and those kids. Today I was teaching Newton's Third Law and throwing around all these examples and demos, got up on my mini-trampoline and just bounced. The kids laughed and I was having fun.

Why can't teaching freshmen be like that? Earth science is getting easier, and I'm so so so very grateful to my coworker who plans with me (more like lets me in on her plans for the class and takes care of all the copies/prep). The class is suffering, though, from first period syndrome--starting the class off with 10 people on time. Kind of reminds me of my first year teaching chemistry first period.. although this class is supposed to be about 40.

What's really killing me is algebra. Yes, this time it's my second year teaching algebra. I can no longer say that I'm a first year algebra teacher. I can't use it as my excuse anymore. So why do I suck at it so much? It's just one class of maybe 17 freshmen.. but at least once a week it makes me question if I'd come back next year if I had to teach it again. Which, if you know anything about me and how much I love love LOVE my school, is a pretty big deal.

Today I couldn't even start the class. I literally sat there, using every ounce of self-control in my body to keep myself from exploding, throwing something, or telling them all to just STFU. I kicked a kid out and another kid followed him out.. and I didn't even care. I was glad they were gone. I wanted to kick more out. I wanted to kick them all out, except maybe five of them. And this is what is killing me.. because I'm not that teacher. They bring the worst out of me and I can't even blame them because it's not really their fault that they act like children. That's what they are. They're basically still in middle school and it's supposed to be my job to teach them how to do high school, how to become my juniors and seniors that I can treat as adults.

But I don't know how to do that. And it's killing me.