Heartache to heartache, we stand.

Three days deep into the school year and what a ride it's been. I'm not gonna lie.. it's only 8:39pm as I start this post and I kind of just want to go to bed right now. So far, teaching has been completely exhausting and physically grueling.. but I kinda love it.

Getting to know the kids and learn their names slowly, but surely, has been great. Like I said at the start, they are what it's all about. And my kids, my kids are city kids to the core. Some of them have some really gut-wrenching lives, the kind that no one, much less a 16 year old, should ever have to go through. I'm going to have to do my best to convince myself that they need to be learning about physics while the world around them keeps spinning (or crashing).

On the first day of class, as their "Do Now" (equivalent of a warm-up, the whole school does them) I had my kids write about three hopes and three fears they have for my class or for the year. Many of them fear failing the class and only a handful of them put that they hope to learn something (as the third hope last in line). One student, I'll call him Stunna b/c of his "stunna shades", wrote that he's afraid of messing up this year because he'll go to real jail, not juvy anymore. He's afraid of falling into his old ways and getting into fights. He's a charmer.. the kind of student that doesn't do real well or listen to you at all, but you love him anyway because of this ineffable quality he possesses. I hope he sticks out this year ok. I hope I can serve him. I hope he stays out of jail too.

Another one of my students has really sad eyes. If I didn't know any better, I'd think she was just sleepy. I wish she were just sleepy. Instead, her boyfriend of two years was shot and killed this summer. His sisters also go to our school, but I don't have them in any of my classes so I haven't interacted with them yet. How do you convince kids to care about school when their loved ones are ripped away from them? It's all I can do not to just run up to her and give her a hug and say "I'm here for you sweetie".. but at this point all I can do is smile at her and hope she knows I'm pulling for her. Today as she left class, she smiled (kinda?) and said "Bye Ms. Chew" and my heart just about fell apart. She's a trooper. She defines the word trooper.

Today during 7th period I had a student who was absolutely confrontational. That class is by far my largest class, so much so that I didn't have enough chairs set up around the desk tables. Three of the latecomers decided that they wanted to sit at the lab tables in the back, and when I asked them to pull up a stool to one of the desk tables, Ms. Faux-Hawk didn't want to have any of it. She kept throwing them 'bows, saying "man, I already got kicked out of one class today, now I'm gonna get kicked out of another". The beautiful thing, however, was that when I told her "hey, I don't want to kick you out. I'm not going to kick you out" she actually pulled up a stool and settled into class. A bit later I asked her about what happened in her other class and she totally leveled with me. Then she did a really great job on her classwork and wrote one of the most insightful responses I had seen all day. I'm excited to see where our relationship goes from here, but I'm hoping it's off to a better start.

On the lighter side of things, it's an incredible feeling that by the end of the first day, kids in the hall smile and say "Hi Ms. Chew" to me. Nevermind the fact that I only know a handful of my kids by name and that most of the time when I see them outside of my class the only way I know they have me is that they smile first/back at me. It's going to take me a good long while to get all their names down, and even more to get to know them and their stories. But I can't wait.

Last night, after work I felt like crap so I went to bed at 9pm. It felt really great but I didn't get anything done or get to hang out with anyone. Is this how my life is going to shape up to be? At least in school I get to "hang out" with my teaching colleagues. I am so looking forward to Happy Hour on Friday. And a glorious, glorious long weekend. Thank you, Mr. Labor, for having a birthday that we celebrate.

You have no idea how happy I am that hump day is over. Two more days until the long weekend. I sound like one of my kids.