For those of you who were wondering, I did finally move into the city. Thankfully, that shaves almost a half hour from my commute to school, and hopefully gives me back a half hour of my sanity.
Teaching is exhausting. In every sense of the word. I'll admit, that even now.. just the third week of the school year.. there are days when I just barely pluck myself out of bed to go to school. I find myself praying "God, help me. Help me serve my kids and be patient.. b/c I really don't want to be here right now." Can it really be this hard? Is this how the rest of my year is going to be?!? I breathe a huge sigh of relief when the end of 7th period rolls around each day.. but it's bittersweet b/c I know I'm going to have to do it all again the next day. I go home to my empty apartment w/ my roommate I never hang out w/ (mostly b/c I'm in bed by 10 every night).. and think.. Lord, when will this get easier?
Remember the hopes and fears activity I had my students do on the first day? I finally got around to reading the other students' responses.. this one comes from Tristan, the girl with the sad eyes (triste=sad en Español):
I hope I could get good grades and I hope I do things right so I won't fail any classes. And am looking forward to knowing what I gotta do for physics. But I do fear that I could possibly mess up in school because my boyfriend died during the summer so I'm really hoping I could clear my thoughts and do good. But my main goal is to pass my classes get my credits and join sports to keep my mind distracted.
I want to say that what keeps me going to work every morning is the hope that I'm making a difference in these kids lives, but some days.. I wonder if I'm even making a dent. And while I'm being completely honest.. I cry a lot, these days. I'm a complete basketcase whenever I talk to my family back home b/c I'm so freakin' homesick. Even just typing this, my eyes are welling up. Man.. it's only been four weeks since I've been home, but God I just need to make it 'til Christmas.
Ok so I promised this blog wouldn't be all sob stories and whining.. so I'll end with a story. My coworker and fellow STEP 2007 alum were eating lunch in another teacher's room with a bunch of freshmen. One such freshman decides to guess how old Lisa is.
"27?" He guesses.
"Close, 26." Lisa responds. "What about Ms. Chew? How old do you think she is?"
"I dunno.. 29?"
Rock.
3 comments:
Hey Ms. Chew, you know that I totally know what you're talking about. I seriously feel like this is taking years off my life right now, cuz I'm just running on fumes every day. Like I'm a car with faulty brakes rolling down a hill, just praying that I'll miss the obstacles along the way, yet almost wondering what would happen if I didn't.
And now, back to thinking about how to get my Calculus kids to use the slopes of tangent and secant lines to approximate the instantaneous velocity of a car with faulty brakes rolling down a hill.
Mr. Cheng
Hey,
Just wanted to drop in and say hi. I would tell stories about my gf's first year teaching, but I think it turns out differently for everyone, except for the universal constant of teachers always being tired. But I just want to encourage you to keep going and stick it out... a friend of mine is thinking about quitting not even three weeks into the year... and while every person is different, I think you always become a lot stronger in ways you won't even realize. Mon's second year is way better than her first year, and so this year I think she's going "all out" - she's not a newbie and she's moving forward. It has made teaching a lot more exciting for her.
It's sad, too, because all your posts are ones that my gf could have written her first year. But her first 'second year' blog post was brighter. More upbeat. I hope the same will be true for you.
And believe me, you are making a difference. Just think back to our teachers in high school and how much we remember about them... you will be remembered just as clearly in the minds of all your students. Your work matters.
Hey Christi. Having left the safety of the school-going nest, I can totally relate to what you're going through - coming back each day knowing that tomorrow it starts over again, realizing that this IS the rest of your life. But take heart, my friend! We serve a God who sees beyond the seeming futility of everyday life, and yet is intimately involved in the tiniest details of that same everyday life. He will do great things through you!
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